Calling Ted Cruz A 'P*ssy' Is An Insult To Vaginas Everywhere

Georgia would be so proud.

If you’re good to a vagina, a vagina will be good to you.

Hey there, Ravishers!

So, we have some serious business to tend to today. Yes, y’all, it’s real.

It seems that our precious lady bits are being tossed around in the GOP as a means to insult! I mean, we know it’s really a compliment, but recently one of Trump’s supporters called Ted Cruz a "pussy" at a Trump rally.

Frumpy Trumpy and your vapid, racist, bigoted, Neanderthal followers; I only have this to say:

Do not insult our vaginas.

To compare the land of milk and honey to the incomparably creepy, divisive, and just plain icky Ted Cruz is an insult to us, and much too high of a compliment to him.

Our vaginas are gloriously strong! They are able to hold ben-wa balls for hours on end, and some of them push out giant 10-pound babies.

Our vaginas are malleable and accommodating. They hug tight the itty-bitty, teeny-weeny weenies, and make room for the, um, bigger ones. They tear, we fix them. They feel weak, we make them stronger (thank you Dr. Kegel).

Prince writes anthems about them, y’all. ANTHEMS!

I mean hell, according to these ladies, our lady parts can even kill Superman!

Vaginas have the ability to be all-accepting, whereas it seems that Mr. Cruz will only accept you if you are just like him.

Vaginas like other vaginas, penises, fingers, hands, vibrators — if you’re good to a vagina, a vagina will be good to you. Even if you’re good to Mr. Cruz, there’s no guarantee he won’t send your ass packin’ back to wherever you came from.

Now, I will say though that Mr. Cruz is highly (and oddly) interested in our vaginas — and anything having to do with them, for that matter. With his all-out assault on pro-choice efforts, his promise to waste tax payer dollars on investigating fabricated charges against Planned Parenthood, and his outright objection to the right to marry whomever the hell you choose, one might say Mr. Cruz is... obsessed.  

But whyyy?

Is it this?

Or could Amy Schumer be on to something here?

I’m just gonna leave these right here, and let y’all speculate.

Toodles, dolls!

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