From Monogamy To Open Marriage is a weekly column devoted to the discussion of pursuing sex and love outside marriage.
*Part One can be read here.
I didn’t think this threesome thing all the way through.
The guys showed up at the same time and didn’t realize they were headed up to the same apartment until they were at my door. They might have introduced themselves once they found themselves facing the same door. I wonder which one of them decided to knock. I opened the door in a pair of lace panties and a tank top. I figured it would be silly to get fully dressed. They stood there, one slightly behind the other with the same “this is weird!” type of expression on their faces. When they filed in through the door, I imagined they were my personal procession of obedient, willing servants marching into my bedroom. Neither one of them ever spent more that 45 seconds in my living room, so it was oddly empowering to see them walk right in and find their proper places. I introduced them to one another, and after they had shaken hands, I sat down on the bed.
A tiny flash of panic came over me when I realized I had no plan for how to get things started. Thankfully, one of them followed and sat right next to me. He began kissing me and touching me. Before I knew it, the other slid both of his hands on my thighs and slowly removed my panties. I looked down at him and put my hand on the side of his head. I meant to lead him to my face to kiss me, but he pulled away and put his head between my legs and nibbled at my inner thigh. Suddenly I was glad that I didn’t try to plan this. Both of these guys were respectful alpha males.
I was excited to see who would try and direct the whole scene, and who might fall back and go with the flow.
The back and forth, the pulling of my body parts toward one and away from the other, and the simple questions and answers exchanged between the two of them when positioning needed to be improved — all of it was such a turn on. As we got into a better rhythm, one of the guys did take a lead role while the other seemed more subordinate. Although I was the subject and the center of their focus, I did not direct either of them, except when I needed a little more attention from them during times when I was close to climax. Few things are more empowering than guiding two other people through sensations that bring you to orgasm. It’s almost as though the world stops for those seconds or minutes, and bringing me to the height of sexual pleasure is all that matters.
As empowering as it may be, in a threesome, there are lots of failed attempts at particular types of sexual contact. There are slips and mishaps. There are awkward moments of “ok, now what?” Porn doesn’t show much of this. Body parts (and the natural, unique positioning of them) can make or break certain sex acts. You can’t have a good DP (double penetration) with a penis that lacks length. Women with larger perineum areas do better in a classic DP where the woman is on top of one man, and the other is behind her. Most guys don’t realize how much inevitable contact occurs between the men, as very few of them have porn-quality anatomy, flexibility, or agility. As a man, you have to quickly accept another man’s testicles slapping against your own or dragging back and forth on your leg. Men who are overly homophobic find themselves turned off by incidental contact like this. Parents tend to skip over these details when they tell you about the birds and the bees.
Nearly a decade after planning my first threesome, I still find this arrangement to be one of my favorites.
I’ve learned not to try and raise the bar every time. I know that some great things don’t need to get better and better. Occasionally, I try and perfect it, but because we’re all humans even when living out a fantasy, human error makes for humorous, awkward, and sometimes cringe-worthy moments.
Until my next threesome, I will explore other new places and opportunities to indulge in sexual pleasure. I inquired about a swinger cruise and looked into a club in NYC that I’ve yet to try. In the midst of paying for school trips, college applications, and long out-of-state weekends to tour colleges, I feel like I deserve to have a little extra fun.