Ever dreamt of dating Tiger Woods? Yeah, me either. But in case you WERE dreaming of the Tig (or any other celebrity of your choosing) being in your bed, the new dating app Badoo has you covered.
Badoo reached out to me to do a collaboration, but I'm just going to make fun of them, because that's what I like to do best.
Remember 3 Pricks In 3 Minutes? This is almost that good.
I went to the Badoo website at 8 am. Just by going to the site, I was prompted to connect my Facebook account (because they own everything Google doesn't). I did it, because I'm hardcore like that. I'll do anything for the sake of a successful experiment. I didn't enter any information about myself. Didn't complete my profile. Didn't do anything but allow FB to upload a photo of me.
Well, I also clicked on Tiger Woods because he was a "suggested" celeb for me, and I just really needed to see the Tiger lookalikes.
Was not super thrilled.
In an hour I had 20 likes, 2 favorites and 4 messages! FOUR.
I didn't have to do ANYTHING. If I was looking for a date, I would be so set.
Two of the guys just introduced themselves and asked where I'm from. One of them ACTUALLY WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH ME SO THAT'S NOT FUCKIN WEIRD. There were zero penis photos which is good. Because I'm about one unsolicited dick pic away from changing teams.
SHOUTOUT to ICEBERG from Fresno. Was Ice Cube taken? (Also, he doesn't look like Ice Cube, if you were wondering.)
Looking for a Kim? They gotchu.
I went looking for a Rob Lowe. I was also not super impressed.
OK. So. Flaws with this plan.
A. Picking a person based on their looks is probably not the best way to find a love connection. People get old. A Kim today might look a Kathy Bates tomorrow. Not like there's anything wrong with Kathy. But Kathy does not look like Kim.
B. What if you don't look like anyone worthy of looking for? I am no Kim. What if I never find a love connection?!
I don't know if this is more or less objectifying than Tinder, but I guess users are aware that while they are looking for a Justin, someone else is looking for Scarlett Johansson. This means that any connection might be founded on the understanding that you look like someone famous, only without the plastic surgery and/or lipo.
Other flaws. I searched for Chris Pratt (I am not actually looking for a Chris Pratt, but he came to mind).
If I really WAS looking for a Chris, I would be pretty bummed right now.
But that's not really fair to Reto or Pierre or even Dinho, because celebrities don't even look like celebrities. Unless the average person has a stylist and conturing professional following them around, no one is ever going to look like Kim or Chris.
I'm just glad I'm married. Sorry for the false hope, Iceberg.