Don't Put Old Wasp Poop In Your Va-Jay-Jay, Okay?

No one needs wasp poop balls in their vagina, okay? Okay.

I have a rather robust Twitter habit and I follow a lot of really interesting people. One of my all-time favorite Twitter personalities is Dr. Jen Gunter, an ob/gyn, feminist, writer, and all around amazing person. She writes about sex, science, medicine, reproductive justice and, periodically, skewers Gwyneth Paltrow for her dumb ideas about health.

So I wasn’t precisely surprised to see this tweet from her, even though it made me sit up and scream “What? No!"

No! Noooooooo!

OBVIOUSLY I had to read about vagina wasp powder so I clicked into Jen’s blog and found that the full story is actually as bizarre as the headline.

Apparently, there is a type of wasp that deposits its larvae inside oak trees, where they grow inside the wood, nourished on oak bark and wasp poop. I’m not sure if it’s poop left behind by the adults or the larva’s own poop.

But, honestly, does it matter? Because vaginas come into play and everyone knows poop + vagina = no bueno.

So, you can collect these wasp incubators — called oak galls — and do stuff with them. The Etsy seller says they’re good for all kinds of “traditional” medicinal uses like tightening the vagina and uterus after childbirth. Or as a douche during your period. You can just boil them and squirt the water up into your lady garden after it’s cooled.

THIS IS A BAD IDEA!

Jen gives science info about why this is such a bad idea, but the upshot is really that pretty much anything that isn’t lube will dry out your vagina and this is not good. Vaginas are supposed to be not-dry.

Also? They don’t need to be cleaned or tightened or anything. They’re fine the way they are.

So the takeaway here is don’t use the broth made of boiled wasp-poop-balls as a douche. Your vagina will thank you.

The end. 

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