Nick Viall

A Bachelor finale that provided precious few reasons to celebrate. (Image Credit: Instagram/nickviall)

The Bachelor Finale: The Rachel Show Steals All Nick's Thunder

Rachel has been stealing all Nick's thunder since this whole season started.

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The Women Tell All is basically a Corinne rally. (Image Credit: Instagram/bachelorabc)

Bachelor Review: 3 Hours Of 'Emotional Intelligence' Getting Its Butt (Mostly) Kicked

Time for "The Women Tell All" Which Usually Gets Its Own Episode, But Whatever, ABC, Let's Do This. This is actually a Corinne Rally. And it's pretty terrifying to see "Make America Corinne Again" hats and T-shirts and a bunch of "I LOVE RAQUEL" signs because . . . a reality show star is actually president right now. Remember? This is how it starts! And we don't need a bunch of additional political angst right now. Because if Corinne decides to run, you know they'll vote for her.

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Most sexually explicit episode of The Bachelor... ever? (Image Credit: Instagram/nickviall)

Bachelor Review: #GDFR - Raven, Andi Get Explicit About Getting Down + Possible Sexpocalypse Ahead

This teensy little Bachelor episode is only an hour long, but it's one enormous, platinum vagine tease from start to finish. 

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Hometown dates always provoke lots of emotions... and revelations about identity in America. (Image Credit: Instagram/bachelorabc)

Bachelor Review: Hometown Identity Lessons In Hoxie, Dallas, Miami, & Montreal

Your hometown is not just some rando locale where you grew up. It's your entire identity, basically. It's the setting for your self-made reality: "This is who I am," chirps Raven. That's why Nick just goes with "Milwaukee" instead of saying godforsaken "Waukesha" when the cops grill him about where he's from. Because Nick is someplace you've heard of. We go muddin,' go to church, go shopping, and go to school with the four remaining bachelorettes on the ever-illuminating Hometown dates.

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It's not gonna work out for Rachel and Nick. And that's great news for America. (Image Credit: Instagram/@nickviall)

The Bachelor: Rachel's The New Bachelorette!!! Also: Nick's Tears & Scary Va-Jeens

The news about Rachel destroyed this whole episode because after she was confirmed as the Next Bachelorette, nothing else mattered. Rachel is The New Queen of Bachelor Nation, her Majesty the real actual winner of this damn show. Twitter exploded with glee as the whole rhapsody trended.

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Will Nick be the first bachelor to quit the dang show?! (Image Credit: Instagram/bachelorusa)

The Bachelor: Rose Rage, Racism In Reality, & The Nickpocalypse

Nick's Heart: Is it Even Real?

Nick seems most happy when scampering tipsy across the sand. 

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Love... and a whole lot of ugly history. (Image Credit: Instagram/bachelorabc)

Bachelor Review: #BlackGirlMagic vs. Swamp Showdown - The Fight For America's Heart & Soul?

Television has been a pulpit since its invention. And pop culture is like religion in that it can create and govern belief.

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Corinne doesn't like shoveling poop. Where's the controversy? (Image Credit: YouTube/Anna Marie)

Bachelor Review: Red State Roller Skate & Poop Scoop In Nick's Hometown

Based On Her Persona, If Corinne Were A Man, She'd Be The Next POTUS

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