Artwork: Tess Emily Rodriguez

Ask Erin: I'm Addicted To My Boyfriend 

I think I have an addiction to my boyfriend. I don’t know what happened to me. I m not at all able to live without seeing him or being without him. Read...
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

The Fear Of Dying Alone Kept Me In An Unhappy Marriage

“I don’t want to die alone,” I mutter to myself as I sweep the kitchen floor in my new home. These words represent my greatest fear.

It’s a Saturday morning, and I am alone. A loud silence rings in my home. It's a silence formed by my son, who is not here. There isn’t an iPad blaring with cartoons on Netflix or Hulu. The only noise is a broom raking across a linoleum floor. The sink is filled with pots and pans, remnants of a recent dinner. Alongside the casserole dishes and saucepans is a solitary plate. 

In my new home, I am alone half the time. 

The other half of my time is spent with my child. He isn’t responsible for my happiness. I want to watch him grow up, find independence, and learn to fly. I never want my fears to hold him back. 

He watched as his father and I finalized our divorce in December. He'd started splitting his time between two houses in July, when I moved in with my mother.