masturbation

“Girls don’t masturbate, right? I don’t masturbate. Do you masturbate? Can girls masturbate? I don’t think they can — I’m pretty sure my mom doesn’t.”

“Girls don’t masturbate, right? I don’t masturbate. Do you masturbate? Can girls masturbate? I don’t think they can — I’m pretty sure my mom doesn’t.”

How many times did I climax that afternoon? Somewhere between eight and infinity.

"...once I got past the jokes, I was shocked to realize that most people have a touchy relationship with self-pleasure.

"There are a number of anthropological reasons why men are so obsessed with their wieners — probably something to do with crop-dusting the landscape with their baby-gravy. Women sadly don’t produce any such magical juice — so basically we just laze about waiting to be inseminated (well, after we track and slay a saber-tooth for dinner and beat our animal skin skirts clean in the stream . . . then, insemination)."

You may have heard the old joke that 98% of people masturbate, and the other two percent are lying.

Side effects include . . . awesomeness.

Side effects include . . . awesomeness.