Parenting

I was incapable of feeling. I could not show all the love and promise my heart held for those boys. Once I returned and started feeling better, we had to cope with a new challenge: mania and the onset of bipolar disorder.

Parenting can be challenging . . . at the best of times. So when we end up doing all the things we vowed we would NEVER do when we had our own kids, we often feel like we've failed as parents. Well, guess what? You’re not alone, and it’s OK!

So many children who grow up in broken homes are fed this notion of family that comes with strings attached. We’re told if we can just be pretty enough, smart enough, quiet enough, obedient enough, good enough, then we’ll get the love we crave so deeply, as if family is something that we must barter for.

Through the years, I've learned that our ideologies matter far less than the quality of the relationships we build with our kids. Your rules and my rules may be entirely different, but if we center our parenting around nurturing and compassion for our kids, we will achieve similar results.

You really can feel guilty about everydamnthing. Here are the cold hard facts: You are going to screw up. It’s happening. You might actually screw up pretty hard.

I tried to gently push her toward the door. More crying. I tried to enlist the teacher. More crying. I tried to convince her that the other children would play with her. More crying.

And then it happened. "F*ck," she whispered. "F*ck, f*cking, f*ck this!" An enormous smile crossed her face, which only got bigger when she saw my smile. We both laughed, she squeaked out one more "f*ck," and then she gave me one of the biggest hugs I've ever received.

"I don't know what I was smoking in June, but it's August now. I've bonded with my kids until we can't bond anymore, and I'm thisclose to booking a one-way ticket to anywhere but here. I love my kids dearly, but I appreciate them even more when I have time to myself, too. I think that's called balance, and I'm pretty sure it's a good thing."