Jody Allard

It's Election Day AND National Sandwich Day today and, somehow, I feel like these important two events must be related.

Carson's comments came in response to the shitshow that was Trump's campaign rally last week, where an attendee asked a question about how Trump would handle the "problem" that is Muslims in America, and incorrectly stated that President Obama is Muslim. Frankly, it doesn't matter what religion the president adopts, if any, but it's long since been settled that Obama is, in fact, Christian.

In case you live on Mars, which is the only possible way you've missed the shitshow that is Kim Davis, this isn't Davis's first rodeo. Oh no, Davis was released from jail earlier this week after she was found in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage licenses. This order came not just from the local courts, but was backed by the god damn Supreme Court of the United States. Because, you know, you should totally ignore the highest court in the fucking nation.

Contrary to what Donald Trump wants you to believe, mental illness doesn't give people easy access to the deadly weapons they use to commit mass murders. Likewise, despite what Bernie Sanders claims, high rates of gun ownership is linked to higher rates of gun violence and implementing sweeping gun control policies would make our country safer.

I didn't have a fairy-tale childhood, unless it was one of those dark and grim ones that really shouldn't be read to children.

Being a single parent has never been the "problem" in my life.

The pair has pledged to donate 99 percent of their Facebook shares over the course of their lifetime, which currently amount to about $45 billion. You know, just some pocket change.

In case ground meat wasn't sketchy enough, a new study by Chapman University found that as much as twenty percent of specialty ground meats are mislabeled –– and many include ground horse and even beaver.

We're giving you some of that judgmental side eye right back, Chris.

Even if the government shuts down, it won't stop funding to Planned Parenthood; Medicaid and Medicare payments (which is how Planned Parenthood receives government funds) will continue on autopilot. It's a line in the sand that has absolutely no impact on the organization, yet would impact thousands of federal employees whose paychecks would stop coming. And is akin to a toddler throwing a tantrum.