back to school, PhD edition.
Last week, if you asked me how far along in school I was, I would have told you, “Oh, I only have my dissertation left.”
From now until some time not necessarily in the foreseeable future, however, if you ask me that question, I’ll have to tell you, “I’m writing my dissertation.”
The step from knowing I had this huge task left to actually actively working on said task has suddenly made my “doctorial candidate” status feel very real — and if I’m honest, I haven’t been taking it all too well, if random waterworks are any indication of my level of anxiety.
But in reality, this entire journey has been panic-attack-provoking, from entirely too many assignments being due with entirely too little space between to the commonly shared experience of “comps nightmares” (if you know, you know). And every step of the way, I’ve wished there was someone to hold me through it.
And while I can’t necessarily physically hold you through the steps you’re taking to becoming Dr. __________ (that might actually be kind of awkward and uncomfortable), what I can do is offer you some words of affirmation.
So for you, for me, for all of us, here are some little reminders to get you through.
1. You Can (And Should) Prioritize Your Own Well-Being
I wish we lived in a cultural context where this didn’t have to be said — or constantly repeated — but unfortunately, our society is such that we’re taught to internalize a “No Pain, No Gain” mentality and push ourselves to our absolute limits in pursuit of a goal.
And while I’m all for being an academically striving, overachieving, goal-oriented person (hello, I’m one of you), when it gets to the point that you’re physically and emotionally sick from how hard you’re working, it’s time to seriously reevaluate your mental state.
Take care of you first.
Because regardless of what the pressures surrounding you are suggesting, your doctoral program is not the most important thing in your life — you are.
Take breaks, walks, deep breaths, and vacations. Take a leave of absence if you need to.
You’re sacrificing so, so much to do this program. Don’t sacrifice your entire spiritual self, too.
2. The Work Will Get Done — Just Give It Time
Deadlines exist. And while they’re totally horrifying, part of why they’re there is to give you a heads-up about how to effectively plan ahead. So think through what you realistically need in order to meet your deadlines.
For me, this means doing one small reading a day so that I can digest it properly, rather than rushing through multiple chapters of a book on a Saturday. For me, it means setting aside large chunks of time to get writing done, since I know I work better on large projects in one sitting. Figure out what works for you. And then do that.
Honor the pace at which you work.
And remember (I know this is a tough one): You’re not going to disappoint anyone (nor will the world fall apart) if the program takes you longer than you want it to — or even if you eventually decide to quit.
3. Your Faculty Is There to Support You
That saying about how the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know is accurate (and, um, Google can’t decide if it was Aristotle, Einstein, or a fellow named David T. Freeman who said that, so I can’t quote it). And the more we realize just how far behind we are in our expertise, the more respect we have for our professors.
And sometimes that means we get to thinking that our pursuits aren’t really all that interesting or important. We worry that maybe our faculty has better things to do than to coach us through the 400 questions we still have about how, exactly, to format a dissertation proposal (and why the fuck it’s different from literally all other formatting).
But your faculty doesn’t want you to fail. They’re there to help you, to cheer you on through your successes, and to challenge you when you’re unsure of yourself.
So remember that — and use them accordingly.
4. Multiple Support Systems Are Necessary
As we wade through our academic pursuits, we eventually develop two separate friend groups: the people going through this hell with us, and the people who have no fucking idea what we’re even doing.
They’re both important. And you can lean on them differently.
Sometimes you need commiseration. Or a study group. Or an example of how to do your assignment. Or someone to pontificate your subject matter with. Call on your peers in your doctoral program for that.
Other times, what you really, really need is to engage in a conversation with someone who doesn’t even know what a research paradigm is, much less have an in-depth argument for why they’ve chosen theirs. Sometimes you need someone like my dad who asks questions like, “So what is this thing you have to write? And why do you have to write it again?” Because you get to take a break from the academic world. And when you need that break, call on these folks.
Just remember to do a little of both, accordingly.
5. Nervous Breakdowns Are Probably Inevitable
No one likes falling apart. It’s embarrassing and messy and a sign that you’ve gone too far and need to reel yourself back in. And if you practice self-care both as prevention and intervention, you might be able to keep these crying fits at bay for a long time — but eventually, school stress catches up with you.
It’s OK to cry.
It’s OK to cry so hard that your mascara runs down your face and your neighbors can hear you (if you’re reading this, sorry, y’all).
Let it out.
And when the tears stop, don’t go immediately back to work. Get up. Take a shower. Use some aromatherapy if you have it (hint: lavender and vanilla are my go-to scents for relaxation). Do some yoga, meditation, or journaling. Watch a few episodes of your favorite show on Netflix. Call your mom. Cuddle with your cat. Take care of yourself (remember #1?).
And then get back to it.
Because even when it feels like you don’t, I promise that you’ve got this.