Image: Tumblr (of course)
There’s this one young man whom I seem to end up with as my bagger every time I grocery shop. He’s full of attitude that seems to be directed at my motley collection of dingy reusable bags. I’m standing up for myself now.
I’m so sorry for bringing my reusable bags with me today. Do they make your job slightly harder? You certainly have every right to complain about them. I know you have been highly trained for months to get to your current level of bagging competence. Then I saunter in, messing up your carefully-orchestrated system of tossing two items into a plastic bag, throwing it into the cart, and doing it all again.
As much as I love coming home with 36 bags for 50 grocery items, I’ve been working really hard to remember my eclectic assortment of reusable bags. I hadn’t considered the effect this choice would have on you. When you pretend you don’t see them, start bagging, then sigh dramatically when I ask you to redo it, it makes me feel like maybe I should shop somewhere else. Do you not understand that if you drive people away, you won’t have a job?
If you want to keep your zitty little face shut and stop talking trash about my horribly complicated grocery bags, I’d totally dig that. You’re young and will probably live longer than I will. That means you will get to watch the planet fill with trash — the kind of trash that lasts forever. Then, won’t you cry, realizing how you did me wrong so long ago? So really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.
When you stack boxes efficiently, filling my reusable bags up to the brim, I feel like we’re on the same team. When you roll your eyes, comment under your breath, or ask me if I want plastic bags for my meat/milk/cleaning products, I feel like you are a terrible person. There, I finally said it.
If you want this relationship to work — and I’m not sure you do — you’re going to have to do a little better. I’m moderately confident you can do it. Together, we’ll keep a dozen bags a week out of circulation.
Thanks a bunch!