Eliana Osborn

When I’m staring at the wall trying to keep my cool when my 6-year-old is hysterical about the tiny bump on his finger, I attempt to channel some of the good parts.

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

Ray Nagin. Yes, the former New Orleans mayor who now has a criminal record. Let me explain.

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

After this, I’m not going to be able to complain about Meghan Trainor and having to teach my son that "All About That Bass" is talking about girls with big booties.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

How do you love someone who continually does things to hurt himself? I’ve been holding a phone with my stoned, sobbing brother on the other end for nearly 20 years. I keep picking up the pieces, keep having my heart break, because he’s my brother.

Sick of hearing about your friend's perfect pregnancy?Give one of these amazing gifts at the baby shower and you shouldn’t have to worry about this anymore.

I cried every single day of my life until I was 18 years old. I did not know this was abnormal.