Eliana Osborn

Eliana Osborn

Bio

Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn Articles

I'll pass on the Pledge, thanks.

I Don't Say The Pledge Of Allegiance And I Want My Kids To Stop

I’m not a fan of repeating things over and over so that they lose their meaning. "Pledge: a solemn promise or agreement." It is that extra level, the solemnity, that makes me uncomfortable with casual usage.

Read...
Image: Gage Skidmore

What Sarah Palin Taught Me About Listening

You know how someone can give you a compliment that you know isn’t true? Like, they tell you a dress looks good when you are absolutely certain that is not the case? But if they keep saying it looks good, you start to think “Yeah... this looks good.”

Read...
I am telling the truth. Aren’t I?

That Time I Took A Lie Detector Test

I’m terrified of wrongful imprisonment. To be the only one who knows the truth and have to live every day in a cell, wondering, why, god, why? [...] Sitting hooked up for gadgets to monitor every aspect of my mind and body, in a small room without any distraction, I see how a person could lose herself — or the truth — for a moment.

Read...
See what we did there?

5 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Getting Your Tubes Tied

When did I discover that sterilization isn’t as cut and dry as it seems? While sitting in a hospital gown, signing my life away, awaiting surgery.

Read...
There is no one activity undertaken every single day that will guarantee a healthy, non-annoying, responsible child. Image: Thinkstock.

7000 Days Of Parenting Is 'All' You Have — But Everything's Going To Be Fine, I Promise.

There are some days of parenting that are magical, full of unicorns and four leaf clovers and lottery winnings. Those are the moments when I catch myself, just for a second, feeling content and happy and looking around trying to freeze things. Out of 7000 days, those maybe make up five a year.

Read...
Might as well face it, you're addicted to...long hair.

I Cut My Hair And Never Looked Back

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

Read...
Hands off, buddy.

All Of These Things Are Sexual Harassment

I, like far too many women in this country and the world, have had a wide variety of experiences involving sexual harassment.

Read...
WAAAHHHHH. Image: <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/261516465/baby-collar-clips-pins-brooches-cardigan?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20creepy&ref=sr_gallery_12">Etsy</a>

7 Gifts For New Moms You Want To Hate You

Sick of hearing about your friend's perfect pregnancy?Give one of these amazing gifts at the baby shower and you shouldn’t have to worry about this anymore.

Read...
"Thanks, but a gift card would have been better."

Gifts That Teachers Will Actually Want

For you, dear readers, who are thrilled with the teacher in your life — be it your own teacher, the instructor of your child, or even the person who does piano or karate — this list is for you.

Read...
The author and her sister.

The Strange, Strong Bond of Sisterhood

My sister Liz is full of wisdom, like my favorite quote I’ve shared with practically everyone I know: “Every pair of underwear has two good sides.”

Read...