Eliana Osborn

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

There are some days of parenting that are magical, full of unicorns and four leaf clovers and lottery winnings. Those are the moments when I catch myself, just for a second, feeling content and happy and looking around trying to freeze things. Out of 7000 days, those maybe make up five a year.

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.

I, like far too many women in this country and the world, have had a wide variety of experiences involving sexual harassment.

1. Write a damn letter.

I’m proud of you right now, even with all the sadness. Proud of you for heading to rehab, leaving the kids, the man, the house — all of it — to get on top of things. Doing it instead of just thinking about it, talking about it even, hemming and hawing? That’s pretty badass.

They were horrible.

The other magical thing about living in 2015 is the Internet. You can get great training in all kinds of fields while sitting in your underwear at home.