Eliana Osborn

I’ve developed a fast and furious passion for the new Daily Show host, Trevor Noah.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

I’m proud of you right now, even with all the sadness. Proud of you for heading to rehab, leaving the kids, the man, the house — all of it — to get on top of things. Doing it instead of just thinking about it, talking about it even, hemming and hawing? That’s pretty badass.

You know how someone can give you a compliment that you know isn’t true? Like, they tell you a dress looks good when you are absolutely certain that is not the case? But if they keep saying it looks good, you start to think “Yeah... this looks good.”

How do you love someone who continually does things to hurt himself? I’ve been holding a phone with my stoned, sobbing brother on the other end for nearly 20 years. I keep picking up the pieces, keep having my heart break, because he’s my brother.

I’m not broken by this therapy failure. Jane wasn't the person to help me at this point of my life. Someone else WILL be.

I get how we want to make our kids successful and everything, right from the start. Feeding into the pressure, here’s the tagline from Starling’s company: “The world’s first word-tracking system that can improve your child’s trajectory for life.”

I’m a sucker for an interesting woman, so Notorious RBG is obviously my sort of book.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.