Eliana Osborn

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

Sick of hearing about your friend's perfect pregnancy?Give one of these amazing gifts at the baby shower and you shouldn’t have to worry about this anymore.

How do you love someone who continually does things to hurt himself? I’ve been holding a phone with my stoned, sobbing brother on the other end for nearly 20 years. I keep picking up the pieces, keep having my heart break, because he’s my brother.

My husband is worried about stigma, about Owen feeling different, about epilepsy being part of his identity. Those are sweet concerns, really. And I get it — I love the kid too. I’d never want to make his life harder in any way.

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

84% of full professors in America are White. In case you were unsure, that does not match the overall makeup of the country or the student body.

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

They were horrible.

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.