Eliana Osborn

What’s That Smell? Sniffing Out Weird House Odors

I’m terrified of wrongful imprisonment. To be the only one who knows the truth and have to live every day in a cell, wondering, why, god, why? [...] Sitting hooked up for gadgets to monitor every aspect of my mind and body, in a small room without any distraction, I see how a person could lose herself — or the truth — for a moment.

Kirk Cameron in all his Growing Pains glory was the ideal crush. Unthreatening, goofy, good kid with very reasonable weekly conflicts. And a good smile. Always been a sucker for that.

For you, dear readers, who are thrilled with the teacher in your life — be it your own teacher, the instructor of your child, or even the person who does piano or karate — this list is for you.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

"Sharknado 3" has an especially unique moment when a human baby is born by being cut out of the side of a shark. Don’t ask questions, there’s nothing to explain.

My husband is worried about stigma, about Owen feeling different, about epilepsy being part of his identity. Those are sweet concerns, really. And I get it — I love the kid too. I’d never want to make his life harder in any way.

Look, Connect Four is not a good game. But it can be over quickly, which is pretty great.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

The most important things my mother taught me included work from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Wham! and Whitney Houston.