Eliana Osborn

Eliana Osborn

Bio

Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn Articles

Did you shower today? You've already started on one.

Here Are Some Realistic New Year's Resolutions

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

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Kirk 4ever

Kirk Cameron Was My First

Kirk Cameron in all his Growing Pains glory was the ideal crush. Unthreatening, goofy, good kid with very reasonable weekly conflicts. And a good smile. Always been a sucker for that.

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Having to walk carefully to avoid wedgies? Not helping any of us be our best selves. Image: Thinkstock.

The Life-Changing Magic Of Buying The Correct Size

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.

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"I can't wait for Eliana's turn."

What 50/50 Parenting Looks Like At My House

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

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There is no one activity undertaken every single day that will guarantee a healthy, non-annoying, responsible child. Image: Thinkstock.

7000 Days Of Parenting Is 'All' You Have — But Everything's Going To Be Fine, I Promise.

There are some days of parenting that are magical, full of unicorns and four leaf clovers and lottery winnings. Those are the moments when I catch myself, just for a second, feeling content and happy and looking around trying to freeze things. Out of 7000 days, those maybe make up five a year.

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Notice how young she is...

Things I Can't Do Now That I'm Nearly 40

I’m not there yet. But I need to be honest—I’m closer to 40 than any other multiple of five.

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The author and her sister.

The Strange, Strong Bond of Sisterhood

My sister Liz is full of wisdom, like my favorite quote I’ve shared with practically everyone I know: “Every pair of underwear has two good sides.”

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Never leave him alone — in the pool, the bath, anything. Image: Thinkstock.

I Won't Hide My Son's Epilepsy, Even If My Husband Disagrees With This Approach

My husband is worried about stigma, about Owen feeling different, about epilepsy being part of his identity. Those are sweet concerns, really. And I get it — I love the kid too. I’d never want to make his life harder in any way.

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My poor, authoritarian conservative father nearly had a heart attack. Image: Youtube screenshot.

Sexy Songs Are Nothing New

After this, I’m not going to be able to complain about Meghan Trainor and having to teach my son that "All About That Bass" is talking about girls with big booties.

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Might as well face it, you're addicted to...long hair.

I Cut My Hair And Never Looked Back

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

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