Eliana Osborn

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.

I’m not there yet. But I need to be honest—I’m closer to 40 than any other multiple of five.

You know how someone can give you a compliment that you know isn’t true? Like, they tell you a dress looks good when you are absolutely certain that is not the case? But if they keep saying it looks good, you start to think “Yeah... this looks good.”

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

Is anyone else with me on this? White foods are NASTY.

I’m proud of you right now, even with all the sadness. Proud of you for heading to rehab, leaving the kids, the man, the house — all of it — to get on top of things. Doing it instead of just thinking about it, talking about it even, hemming and hawing? That’s pretty badass.

Look, Connect Four is not a good game. But it can be over quickly, which is pretty great.

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

I, like far too many women in this country and the world, have had a wide variety of experiences involving sexual harassment.

I’ve developed a fast and furious passion for the new Daily Show host, Trevor Noah.