Families

I didn't want to go through the experience of having an abortion. I didn't want to get pregnant in the first place. But I was grateful for the option. An option I had fought hard for to protect all women (including myself), marching on Washington, protesting at the Virginia state capital, raising money, collecting signatures. And now I had the chance to turn this unhappy experience into another piece of my own activism.

I was nearly six months pregnant when they died. They died because I was one of the 5% to 10% of women who suffer from preeclampsia. Worse, I was one of the rare ones who had early-onset preeclampsia, before the babies were viable (able to live outside the womb).

According to the American Pregnancy Association, up to 25% of clinically recognized pregnancies result in miscarriage, and it can be for a variety of reasons. But the stigma still exists, and that's a huge problem. As a mother who experienced a second trimester miscarriage, psychologist and writer Dr. Jessica Zucker knows exactly how this feels. Following that loss, she launched the #IHadAMiscarriage campaign. And in October of 2015, she released a line of pregnancy loss cards.

The human brain is so easily conditioned and, without a word being spoken, the simple elimination of everything except for the “perfect body” in any form of media is enough to instill belief in our young ones that unless they have that desired body, they do not deserve to be seen.

It is the denigrating soundtrack of a breast pumping session. You, sitting at its mercy. It, just taking and taking.

Follow these tips and you will look well-rested, you will not have camel toe, your underwire won’t poke you in the armpit, your hair will smell nice, your knuckles might not crack in the cold weather, and you will have enough money leftover for icing and sprinkles for the next absurd elementary school party. Huzzah!

I vividly recall being 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby in a London pub. I was lining up at the bar for a soda water, when the man beside me pointed at my tummy and loudly told me I should be at home. Apparently, that was “where I belonged”.

No two losses are the same.