Rebekah Kuschmider

Yesterday, in the year 2016, the first Black woman Attorney General of the United States of America handed a White, conservative Southern governor his ass on live TV. And it was splendid.

Grab your iPhones and launch the app store! There’s a new emoji keyboard out there, and you are going to want to grab it!

So far, April is mainly just walking around and not giving birth, which is probably annoying to poor April. There’s nothing quite like the end of pregnancy, when you just want to be done with it and get to the part where you have a baby. Maybe it’s different for giraffes, but that’s sure how I felt when I was pregnant.

According to the Daily Mail, that’s the lesson animal experts at the Berlin Zoo have learned from Stan and Ollie, two king penguins who were supposed to be part of the zoo’s penguin breeding program. Instead of mating with female penguins and perpetuating their species as zoo officials hoped they would do, Stan and Ollie pair-bonded with one another.

Guys. GUYS!

Brace yourselves, folks. I may be about to present you with the best news of 2016: ice cream for breakfast can make you smarter!

LGBTQ activists and the mayor of London have come up with a new, polite, inclusive opening for Tube announcements. Employees will now say “Hello everybody” as their opening phrase, rather than "ladies and gentlemen."

Massachusetts couple Lauri and Cari Ryding came home from vacation to find their porch a mess. Someone had egged their house. They were targeted because they’re gay — the vandals made their hate apparent by also stealing the Ryding’s rainbow flag.

THEY THINK SLAVERY WAS A GOOD THING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

We have all made it through another madcap week here in 2017. All kinds of groovy things have been going on — and by groovy, I mean things that make everyone ask: 'Dude, is he on drugs? No? Then am I on drugs? Because this is all too weird not to involve drugs.'