Rebekah Kuschmider

CANCER NEEDS TO KEEP ITS GRUBBY MITTS OFF OF OUR ARTISTIC LEGENDS, DAMMIT.

The race itself was anti-climactic because it wasn’t a race. It was basically two heats of a race. First, scientists convinced a wild great white to chase a hunk of fake seal meat for 100 meters so they could time it. Then Phelps donned a specially designed shark suit and swam the exact same route.

Am I betraying the core values of feminism by voting for a man when there’s a woman candidate in the race?

We all spoil our pets, right? I’m certainly guilty of it. My dog’s favorite things are bully sticks, which are literally dried bull penises. They cost about $1 a pop and that’s kind of splurge for an animal who can amuse herself by licking her own butt.

Trump was supposed to head to Milwaukee on Thursday to visit a Harley-Davidson plant and sign yet another executive order. Until, that is, Harley-Davidson allegedly backed out. According to an unnamed White House official, Harley-Davidson didn't want to face the protests that were sure to accompany any appearance by the historically unpopular new president.

I’ve gotta say, mind-magic like this would be an exciting addition to the scope of presidential powers.

Not too many people would talk about childbirth and say, “Longer labor? More pushing?

Graco has issued a recall on 25,000 car seats, saying they cannot adequately restrain a child in the event of a crash.

Sexual orientation is not a lifestyle and gay people are not a monolith. Much as women are all individuals with different wants, needs, and preferences, so are gay people, bi people, asexual people, polyamorous people, and pansexual people (also people who present gender differently that the usual male/female binary but gender identity is a different thing than sexual orientation and will likely be the subject of a whole different essay).

In a move that proves karma to be the Most Righteous of All Bitches, the makers of those “scandalous” Planned Parenthood videos have been brought up on charges in connection with their operation.