Rebekah Kuschmider

Is Hillary Clinton going to jail for having email? The world — and last night’s debate moderators — want to know!

The short answer is: probably not.

Unless one of her emails contains a confession for actually killing Vince Foster. Which seems unlikely, since Hillary has a law degree from Yale and I think the first thing they teach you there is, “Don’t write incriminating shit down.”

A group of “heterosexual, masculine men” who follow the ideals of Daryush “Roosh” Valizadehhas had to cancel a day of global meet ups because safety and privacy concerns.

The Iowa state House of Representatives advanced a bill yesterday that would make it lawful for children to use hand guns, with the direct supervision of parents.

We have a President musing about why the Civil War started, considering meetings with murderous despots, and preparing to sign anti-LGBTQ orders. How much are we supposed to be able to take? Because I don’t think I want to read the news any more. But in between fits of despair, we have the internet to provide us with animal videos.

In an exceedingly weird story, parents of an unnamed 14 year old girl filed suit against Avenues: The World School, a private school in New York City, after their daughter was caught vaping in the bathroom with Fatima Ptacek, the voice of Dora.

This week in “You Need A Law For that?” news, the great state of New York has passed legislation officially recognizing hot pink as a designated color for hunting gear.

Evidently, the man reached the security checkpoint of the Visitors Center and pulled a gun on the security force, whose job it is to prevent people with guns from infiltrating the Capitol complex and taking out US lawmakers. They shot the guy and sent him off to the the hospital for surgery. His condition is currently unknown.

Gigi Hadid would like you to know that unwanted touching is not acceptable.

Today we have kind of a head scratcher of a story out of Austin, Texas.

Apple CEO Tim Cook has taken to the internet to tell the world the company will not be complying with FBI requests to hack the San Bernardino shooters’ phones.