Rebekah Kuschmider

This past weekend, a dog wandering the streets of Elkmont, AL came across a half marathon and started trotting along with the runners.

You can’t deal either, can you? Of course you can’t. So listen: let’s stop talking about this scum-sucking-bottom-feeder and focus on something happy. Like a puppy finding a home and a job.

We will not be having our first woman president and I, for one, must grieve. A dream deferred.

In the space of less than a week, Trump has proved what we all suspected was true: He’s just an overblown internet troll who can’t handle it when a woman stands up to him.

This kind of lunchtime alchemy is why "creative lunches" is such a popular search term on Pinterest. And it’s also why there’s an apple industry renaissance happening as we speak.

I got a puppy last fall, and I’ve spent about a zillion dollars on different things for her to chew. She really likes bully sticks, which are dehydrated bull penises. It cracks me up every time I give one to her and say, “Here. Go eat a dick.”

We interrupt this dumpster fire that is the United States of America in 2017 to bring you what is probably the most horrifying news in the history

Dr. Gunter has lots of medical reasons why one should not do this (as well as a stomach-turning description of a “retained tampon” removal, so be warned). I have a lay-person’s response: OMG DON’T DO THAT TO YOUR PERFECTLY GOOD VAGINA!

According to reports today, O’Reilly has reached his lifetime limit on harassing women at FoxNews and will lose his cable show in the process.

The Iowa state House of Representatives advanced a bill yesterday that would make it lawful for children to use hand guns, with the direct supervision of parents.