Rebekah Kuschmider

You might know that they call six-toed cats Hemmingways. But what do they call four-eared cats? Well, in the case of one such kitty in Pennsylvania, they call him… Batman.

A judge in Oklahoma dismissed a case involving sexual assault of a drunk 16 year old girl. Allegedly, the girl was so intoxicated that she had to be carried to the boy’s car and witnesses say she was in and out of consciousness in the car. She was later brought to a family member’s home, still unconscious. The family member had her taken to the hospital where her blood alcohol level was tested at .34 and DNA from the boy was found around her mouth and on the back of her leg.

Breaking!

Yesterday, the big news in food science was that BUTTER ISN’T BAD FOR YOU AFTER ALL! It turns out that butter, like other saturated fats, isn’t the health demon-food that we were once told it was. I think now we’re supposed to do Kermit-arms and dance around rejoicing that we can butter our toast with impunity.

We all need a little magic sometimes.

BREAKING NEWS –– or maybe epic flashback? I don’t know what to call this exactly.

Normally, when I think of invasive species, I get a pretty grim picture in my mind. The wilds of Florida are no stranger to terrifying invasive species either — 16 foot Burmese pythons, anyone? — but their latest case of exotic pets gone feral is less horror-movie and more “ZOMG I WANT TO SNUGGLE THEM!”

The latest news in the worlds of food shaming and behavior modification comes to us from Chicago, where a

(Sidebar: anyone who puts baby cats in a bag and tosses them in the trash does not deserve to keep breathing the same air as normal kitty-loving people.)

Call me when Starbucks is serving a drink laced with cyanide and then I’ll join you in outrage.