Rebekah Kuschmider

So why are you still sitting here reading this? Get up! Grab your keys! Go get a doughnut!

Attendees of the Sanders event stood along the street when Clinton’s motorcade arrived and threw 1,000 $1 bills at her vehicle. Twitter was alight with notices about “making it rain” on Hillary’s car. I have questions.

(Sidebar: anyone who puts baby cats in a bag and tosses them in the trash does not deserve to keep breathing the same air as normal kitty-loving people.)

You should teach your kids what to do if they encounter a gun, but we as adults should do what we can to prevent that from happening in the first place. One group of adults who can be especially helpful on that front is pediatricians. Some of them are hoping to be part of an effort to reduce gun accidents by talking to parents about gun safety.

Do you know about skin cancer? Of course you do. It's not like it's a secret. Skin cancer is a very bad thing that can happen to anyone with skin. So if you're planning on tanning it up this year, easy solution: just don't.

THEY THINK SLAVERY WAS A GOOD THING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Breasts come in all shapes and sizes. Sports bras also come in all shapes and sizes. And now, Nike sports bra models (and their breasts) come in all shapes and sizes.

After much deliberation, the Food Police have determined that caffeine, in moderation, is still not bad for people. You are free to drink 400 mg of caffeine a day— the equivalent of 36 ounces of regular coffee — and nothing bad will happen to you.

What trans people are — unfortunately — is a handy punching bag for a wildly unpopular president. This man with his approval rating hovering under 40%, with his family under scrutiny for shady financial and political dealings, with his entire policy agenda — such as it is, considering he knows fuckall about policy — in jeopardy due to grassroots opposition to it, this man is flailing around looking for a distraction.

In the latest chapter of “Celebrities Drink What Now?,” Glamour magazine is reporting that Kourtney Kardashian starts her day with a teaspoon of melted ghee.