Rebekah Kuschmider

To see a performer — a male performer, at that — stand up and call out groping like that? I want to scream "F*CK YEAH!" and buy that guy a drink after the show.

Listen, we’ve all been over this before. Human beings have bodies and those bodies are theirs to use as they see fit. They can put on clothes or not. They can be photographed or not. They can marry megalomaniacal real estate tycoons who think they’d be good at being president or not. AND ALL OF THAT IS JUST FINE.

Your dog was destined to be your best friend. It’s SCIENCE.

I know a woman who worked in an inner-city hospital before the passage of Roe v Wade. Every week, staff there saw women come in battling massive infection or blood loss. They actually reserved beds for women like this because it was so common. The cause? Illegal, unsafe abortions. But that was then, right? That was 42 years ago, right? That doesn’t happen anymore, right? Wrong.

According to the Daily Mail, that’s the lesson animal experts at the Berlin Zoo have learned from Stan and Ollie, two king penguins who were supposed to be part of the zoo’s penguin breeding program. Instead of mating with female penguins and perpetuating their species as zoo officials hoped they would do, Stan and Ollie pair-bonded with one another.

Scalia’s death leaves a vacancy in the Supreme Court, and apparently also a vacancy in the GOP’s understanding of presidential powers.

What do you get when you cross that Kitty Collector app with a sex toy? Remoji!

Hopeful readers, may I present to you, the three-time mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota: DUKE!

I can’t speak for all feminists but I don’t have any guns for two reasons. First, I don’t hunt because I don’t want to eat any of the kinds of meat one can shoot in my region. Second, I have little kids. I know some people think having a gun around is a great way to protect little kids from potential threats but I see them as threats in and of themselves.

“Wait,” you’re saying. “Was that ever a question? How many votes are we supposed to get? I only get one. Is there a BOGO sale on votes somewhere? Why is this before the Supreme Court at all?”