Rebekah Kuschmider

BREAKING NEWS –– or maybe epic flashback? I don’t know what to call this exactly.

(Sidebar: anyone who puts baby cats in a bag and tosses them in the trash does not deserve to keep breathing the same air as normal kitty-loving people.)

We have all made it through another madcap week here in 2017. All kinds of groovy things have been going on — and by groovy, I mean things that make everyone ask: 'Dude, is he on drugs? No? Then am I on drugs? Because this is all too weird not to involve drugs.'

Is Hillary Clinton going to jail for having email? The world — and last night’s debate moderators — want to know!

The short answer is: probably not.

Unless one of her emails contains a confession for actually killing Vince Foster. Which seems unlikely, since Hillary has a law degree from Yale and I think the first thing they teach you there is, “Don’t write incriminating shit down.”

If you owe the feds a tax payment and don’t want to pay by check or e-transfer, you can make a cash payment in person at 7-11 stores. This is incredibly helpful for people who don’t have bank accounts or credit cards — or people who need to get taxes paid locally, at a spot near public transportation.

Michelle Obama is writing a book!!!!!!!!

Oh Ted Cruz, Ted Cruz, Ted Cruz. The Senator from Texas has been working hard this campaign season to shore up his conservative bona fides, including a memoir that talks about some of his more notable cases from when he was Solicitor General for Texas. But he skips a really interesting — nay — prurient case involving the legality of selling and using sex toys. Mother Jones ran a detailed analysis of it today and woo boy, is the internet going nuts!

Pop quiz time! What was the impetus for the founding of historically black universities and colleges (HBUCs)?

I don’t know what you escape into when you’re overwhelmed these days, but for me? It’s makeup. That’s where the Kardashian binges come in.

While most of the region was huddled in their homes with hot beverages and endless blizzard coverage, some intrepid Senators and their staffs made their way to the Capitol to gavel in a session of the Senate. And who were these dedicated public servants? I’ll tell you one thing: they weren’t men.