Rebekah Kuschmider

Drop the douchebag, folks. Your vagina will thank you.

“You know, in my next life, when I come back, I want to be someone in the WTA because they ride on the coattails of the men. They don't make any decisions, and they are lucky. They are very, very lucky. If I was a lady player, I'd go down every night on my knees and thank God that Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal were born because they have carried this sport. They really have.”

The next few months are going to feel like drinking from a firehose of bad political news. Just today, my email is pinging away with alerts about all the executive orders that Trump seems to have signed expressly to make me, Rebekah Kuschmider, lose my mind. I keep feeling jolts of adrenaline, and I reach for my phone to email or call or Tweet or SOMETHING to release my endless rage.

Underpants are how you dress your CLITORIS! Your clitoris desires something fancy, don’t you think? Something soft and slinky or lacy and feminine or red and racy.

Erin O'Flaherty, Miss Missouri, is the first openly gay Miss America contestant.

Wanna vape? You’re gonna need ID for that.

Mr. Trump has a very short time to learn the difference between citizen-to-citizen speech and citizen-to-government speech.

One escort interviewed said she was changing $620 PER HOUR for the “girlfriend experience,” which includes taking her to films and walking the red carpet at events. She has a strict 4- and 5-star hotel policy. No yacht parties though, for safety reasons.

So, you’re on your way to work. You’re dragging and want a little pick-me-up before you hit the office.

Kids are now colluding with the clowns. This. Is. Serious.