Montana Lawmaker Wants To Make Yoga Pants Illegal

I'll be honest. I don't believe leggings are synonymous with pants. I think about 8 years ago—give or take—women, like, rediscovered black leggings (which were once a questionable '80s aesthetic) and simply lost perspective.

They told themselves they were versatile, comfortable, flattering. You could "dress them up" and then head to yoga post-work. But wearing leggings as pants—black or otherwise—is just a sanctioned act of delusion. They're sportswear, plain and simple. And yeah, a little pornographic. I can SEE the outline of your vagina and the shaking of your ass-meat like Jello on springs with every step you take.

Do I care? No. Do I think it's offensive? No. Do I think everyone is kidding themselves when they think they're wearing pants? Yes.

Republican Montana lawmaker David Moore feels me.

Moore recently introduced House Bill 365, which would expand the state's indecent exposure law to include any nipples—yes, including men's—in addition to "any garment that 'gives the appearance or simulates' a person's buttocks, genitals, pelvic area or female nipple."

Apparently Moore and a retired Missoula professor, Walt Hill, began drafting the measure following the "Bare as you Dare" bike event last summer, which saw a hundred or so barely dressed bicyclists cruising through downtown.

"I want Montana to be known as a decent state where people can live within the security of laws and protect their children and associates from degrading and indecent practices," Hill said Tuesday in support of the measure. "I believe this bill is written preserving that reputation."

Moore echoed his counterpart's concerns: "Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway," he said following the same hearing.

Currently, a first offense of indecent exposure in the Do Not Show Me state (get it?) carries a fine of no more than $500 and six months in jail. Three naughty-bit convictions and you're looking at $10,000 in fines or LIFE in jail.

Moore's bill seeks to maintain those punishments. After all, we all know skin-tight cotton and vague outlines of areolas are eroding our society with every passing day. In fact, somebody should probably tell him that every person on every channel of every program on every television is busy doing—sorry, wearing—the devil's depraved work as well. 

Let's just say he's got his work cut out for him.

If you like this article, please share it! Your clicks keep us alive!