Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash
This article first appeared on Your Tango and has been republished with permission.
If you've given up on looking for love and feel like there's no one out there for you, you're not alone.
A poll revealed 12 percent of people (mostly women and some who are in relationships) don't think they'll ever fall in love. If that's truly your belief, your reality will likely match that expectation.
But that doesn't have to really be your truth. You can consciously change your attitude, transform your situation, and learn how to find love. You can let go of the fear of being hurt and stop spinning useless stories that hold you back. Here are 5 suggestions for doing just that.
1. Celebrate yourself and build your confidence.
Attempts to find love are often accompanied with pretenses or projections of who you think someone will love, rather than being your authentic self. You are lovable. You have many natural qualities.
Can you see them for yourself? Make a list of your positive traits. If you're not sure, ask friends or family what they like about you. Practice enjoying who you are. By doing so, you build self-confidence which is highly attractive to others.
2. Adopt a pet to understand unconditional love.
Whether you adopt a dog, cat, or parrot, these creatures teach lessons about unconditional love. They accept you as you are and seek your attention — your love — whether you're feeling fat, broke, tired, or whatever.
They show you how to actually be present and content in every moment, no matter what. They reveal true love in a way that conditions your brain to fire off "feel-good" responses, which trigger a deeper awareness of love. They prime you for the real (human) thing.
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3. Allow yourself to feel and be vulnerable.
Release all struggle. Surrendering to life's flow aligns you with the natural laws of nature and connects you to divine love.
When getting stuck in self-limiting beliefs, you become filled with tension that blocks you from receiving — or seeing — the love that is readily accessible. Yoga, meditation, mindfulness, qigong are all helpful strategies to open you to the true essence and energies of real love.
4. Find a new hobby.
Many of those polled complained they weren't meeting anyone new in their social circles. Why not expand those circles? Try a new sport, a new craft, take an art or language class. Do something you've always wanted to do but never made the time for it. Make it a priority.
You'll benefit by learning something new and connect with someone with a similar interest in the process. That's what we call a win-win.
5. Change your negative self-talk.
Recently, a young man posted 10 lines on Facebook repeating, "I will never find love." He's reinforcing a belief which influences his behavior and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. He's giving off negative "vibes" which contribute to making him undesirable.
Notice your self-chatter and if it's self-critical, it's time to change it. If the FB man would have said, "I will find love," he'd feel — and act — completely differently. Visualize the perfect mate coming towards you; hold onto that vision and it will happen.
One last piece of advice: don't put a time frame on connecting to the one. The more you let go of all limitations, the more easily the magic will unfold.
Trust in the process and, most of all, view it as an adventure and be joyful throughout the experience. But be forewarned: you may find yourself with new challenges as you transform into a love magnet.