Eliana Osborn

Full-fat dairy may be “healthier” for you than low-fat dairy. “May” be, as in, probably is, like with numbers and science and stuff.

After this, I’m not going to be able to complain about Meghan Trainor and having to teach my son that "All About That Bass" is talking about girls with big booties.

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.

Kirk Cameron in all his Growing Pains glory was the ideal crush. Unthreatening, goofy, good kid with very reasonable weekly conflicts. And a good smile. Always been a sucker for that.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

My Life on the Road (or MLR) is not what I expected...the idea of not waiting for experience to come to you permeates the book.

They were horrible.

How do you love someone who continually does things to hurt himself? I’ve been holding a phone with my stoned, sobbing brother on the other end for nearly 20 years. I keep picking up the pieces, keep having my heart break, because he’s my brother.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.