Erin McKelle

As I write this, it’s the eve of my 21st birthday, or the last step in my journey to adulthood. So. Many. Feels. I’m going to give you a list of the 21 things I’ve learned before turning 21, to look back at what I’ve learned and done so far:

I decided to stop searching for an MMA platform that was going against these norms, since one did not exist, and create it myself.

One reality TV franchise people often point to when talking about misogyny in the media is The Real Housewives. However, I believe that many aspects of The Real Housewives make it a feminist franchise.

I propose going back to basics, back to what self-care is supposed to be about. Instead of this new flashy and expensive self-care movement.

My fears of dependence were so potent that I decided to quit meds for good. Though I didn’t just throw away mental healthcare, mind you, since I had been, and planned on continuing to go, to weekly therapy sessions. I wanted to find other ways to manage my mental illness without popping pills on the daily.

I’ve said I was “good,” “fine,” or “doing well” after crying for hours, lying in bed all day with no motivation, and even experiencing suicidal ideation. My worst days are when the temptation to mask my pain with a smile is the strongest.

Imagine you just went out with someone that you like, and have been out with a few times, but that you’re still not quite sure where things are heading with. Now, imagine that they call you to ask you if you would like to join them at a birthday party on Saturday, for one of their good friends whom they’d like you to meet. What’s your reaction? Are you jumping at the chance to get closer to their inner circle, already preparing your excuse for why you can’t attend, or do you land somewhere in between?

I began to see my mental health go completely downhill. This led me to seek out a psychiatrist, who raised an interesting concern: she thought my birth control was messing with my depression. It’s not like I hadn’t been aware of the link between hormonal contraception and depression before, but it never occurred to me that these two personal realities could be connected.

I’m adopted. It’s one of those things that has been a major force in shaping my identity, but that’s hard to talk about authentically almost anywhere.

Many books in the self-help genre are either hokey or just plain scams. However, thanks to my perseverance and voracious reading, I've discovered there are self-help books out there that can transform your life and thinking in powerful ways and I’ve rounded up a list of my 5 all-time faves.