Melissa Lovitz

Sexual attraction is not the only type of physical attraction, AND aesthetic attraction is not the same as sexual attraction!

I’m breaking up with meticulously measuring meals, miles, minutes, etc. I’m worn-out by the fatigue that follows the cycles of fixation. These cycles disguise themselves as control and help me define myself within parameters that feel palpable – things I can wrap my head around.

I’ve been struggling to understand if I’m a “bad queer” or a “bad feminist” and sometimes, I think I am!

Something changed for me when I heard my friend say, “I run so I can eat.” I run so I can cope, so I can feel invincible, so I can think. And so, in a surprising change of events, I challenged them politely and asked, “What would change if, instead, you ate so you can run?”

So, if you’re out there in the world feeling broken, and questioning if you’re the only one who doesn’t “get it”, or if you’re eager to learn more about asexuality so you can be a better ally to the LGBTQIA+ community, here are three things that helped me claim and learn about my asexual identity.

We get it! You’re busy... In a culture literally driven by productivity, a sense of busyness seems like a prerequisite to being your most productive self.

I don’t identify with the heterosexual norms that have been shoved down my throat and the pathologizing rhetoric that, for most of my life, shrieked "you’re broken," and then I was publicly ostracized by a person who identifies as part of "the community" — the same community I feel connected to.