Melissa Lovitz

3. Do you masturbate? First, what each person does with or to their body is nobody else’s business. Remember, asexuality is about sexual attraction not necessarily sexual desire or arousal. Simply put, most asexual people can experience sexual arousal; some asexuals masturbate and some do not.

So, if you’re out there in the world feeling broken, and questioning if you’re the only one who doesn’t “get it”, or if you’re eager to learn more about asexuality so you can be a better ally to the LGBTQIA+ community, here are three things that helped me claim and learn about my asexual identity.

I’ve been struggling to understand if I’m a “bad queer” or a “bad feminist” and sometimes, I think I am!

Oh, you didn’t know? Perhaps it’s because one of the best-kept secrets about adulting is that, most of the time, nobody knows what they’re doing.

Something changed for me when I heard my friend say, “I run so I can eat.” I run so I can cope, so I can feel invincible, so I can think. And so, in a surprising change of events, I challenged them politely and asked, “What would change if, instead, you ate so you can run?”

Sexual attraction is not the only type of physical attraction, AND aesthetic attraction is not the same as sexual attraction!

The trick to successful bullet journaling, in my mind, is to avoid getting caught up in the fanciness of it! Of course, you can make your bullet journal as complex or minimalist as you want, but I’d recommend starting slow. Allow your bullet journaling practice to morph to your needs.

#YouKnowYoureAFeministWhen… It’s the punchline to a good joke. It’s the start of catchy Twitter hashtag. Right?

It’s frustrating that most identities on the asexuality spectrum are qualified by a “lack” of something — desire, intimacy, attraction. I wonder, what might happen for demisexual (or asexual) people if we turn our focus toward what relationships contain, rather than what they’re missing.

I don’t identify with the heterosexual norms that have been shoved down my throat and the pathologizing rhetoric that, for most of my life, shrieked "you’re broken," and then I was publicly ostracized by a person who identifies as part of "the community" — the same community I feel connected to.