Wal-Mart, home to broken dreams, poor fashion choices, and a whole lot of guns, announced that it will no longer be selling the AR-15 or other similar assault rifles in its stores. But, lest you assume that this decision was motivated by concern over the absolute irresponsibility and utter absurdity of selling these types of weapons in a fucking Wal-Mart, don't you worry — a Wal-Mart spokesman emphasized that this decision was motivated by declining sales, not politics.
Because, I mean, why wouldn't you stop selling guns when they no longer cushioned your bank balance? Yesterday, access to semi-automatic weapons was every American's God- and Second Amendment-given right. Today? Well, Wal-Mart just doesn't give a fuck about your rights anymore, folks, because there's no money to be made. Relax, though. Wal-Mart will increase its stock of hunting guns to ensure that your debit card — I mean, your rights — are fully exercised while shopping at Wal-Mart.
'Murica. Where the shootings in Sandy Hook and Aurora aren't enough for us to stop selling the AR-15s used to commit mass murder, but a dip in a corporation's profit margin is.