Alexa

My first BDSM experience happened was at the age of 26, and it was an eye-opening night for me. The next morning, I found myself questioning my identity as a feminist. How could I want a man to do those things to me?

I did a boudoir photography shoot shortly before becoming pregnant. I lost 25 pounds to help control my blood pressure before pregnancy put its strain on my heart and I hadn’t been at that weight since high-school. I wanted a record of that body, before I shared it with a new little human. It felt so satisfying to take in all of my sexy lingerie, to tighten those cords of my corset. I had done it! I was smoking hot!

An open marriage certainly has its challenges, but finding personal time outside of being a parent is actually one of the great rewards. My husband and I have been polyamorous since we met, and I actually introduced him to the woman, he is currently dating. When our baby was born, she offered to babysit, so we could continue having our traditional date nights.

While I have dated and slept with both men and women in my life, I happen to be married to a man. This fact automatically means that I “pass” in most situations, although I still identify as bisexual. People see my opposite-sex partner and assume I am straight.

My husband and I went through several drafts of our wedding vows, but none of them included a promise to “forsake all others.” We have been polyamorous since we met, meaning that we sometimes have romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners.

My body is diligently keeping me available for this baby by shutting down the part of my brain that usually wants to jump my husband. I can intellectually recall wanting sex - it just feels like this really foreign concept now.