Eliana Osborn

The other magical thing about living in 2015 is the Internet. You can get great training in all kinds of fields while sitting in your underwear at home.

The most important things my mother taught me included work from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Wham! and Whitney Houston.

When did I discover that sterilization isn’t as cut and dry as it seems? While sitting in a hospital gown, signing my life away, awaiting surgery.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

Eighteen hours, even if prepared with reading and art material, snacks, and an upgrade to China Airline’s family couch seating, is still EIGHTEEN HOURS.

Best case scenario? A few hours of activity, then we all fall asleep comfortably. Worst case? Well, let's just say it involves blood splatter on those weird double-paned airplane window.

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

I’m full of emotions: pride, awe, fear, nerves. The spelling bee first, then the piano recital. Two different kids, same mom. Same me, wanting to prevent my boys from pain and discomfort. Same me, biting my tongue and smiling broadly in support.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.

I’m not alone in being troubled by how people suddenly disappear in life, right? That’s essentially why the internet was created. You may have heard rumors about Al Gore inventing it for military purposes... Lies!