Eliana Osborn

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

The most important things my mother taught me included work from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Wham! and Whitney Houston.

After this, I’m not going to be able to complain about Meghan Trainor and having to teach my son that "All About That Bass" is talking about girls with big booties.

Standardized tests are taking over the world. I can say this because it is true. Like a creeping vine that seems attractive and charming at first, tests appear to be reasonable for the data and direction they can provide.

I’m terrified of wrongful imprisonment. To be the only one who knows the truth and have to live every day in a cell, wondering, why, god, why? [...] Sitting hooked up for gadgets to monitor every aspect of my mind and body, in a small room without any distraction, I see how a person could lose herself — or the truth — for a moment.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

You know how someone can give you a compliment that you know isn’t true? Like, they tell you a dress looks good when you are absolutely certain that is not the case? But if they keep saying it looks good, you start to think “Yeah... this looks good.”

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.