Eliana Osborn

I cried every single day of my life until I was 18 years old. I did not know this was abnormal.

Now that I’m a mother, I’m much more sympathetic to a woman who just couldn’t take it anymore. Not saying I’d leave my kids in a parking lot and hope for the best . . . just saying that I can understand the impulse.

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

They were horrible.

When did I discover that sterilization isn’t as cut and dry as it seems? While sitting in a hospital gown, signing my life away, awaiting surgery.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.