Eliana Osborn

When I’m staring at the wall trying to keep my cool when my 6-year-old is hysterical about the tiny bump on his finger, I attempt to channel some of the good parts.

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

They were horrible.

Look, Connect Four is not a good game. But it can be over quickly, which is pretty great.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

Baranta is a new martial art focusing on traditional folk dancing and activities.

I’ve developed a fast and furious passion for the new Daily Show host, Trevor Noah.

Eighteen hours, even if prepared with reading and art material, snacks, and an upgrade to China Airline’s family couch seating, is still EIGHTEEN HOURS.

Best case scenario? A few hours of activity, then we all fall asleep comfortably. Worst case? Well, let's just say it involves blood splatter on those weird double-paned airplane window.

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

Kirk Cameron in all his Growing Pains glory was the ideal crush. Unthreatening, goofy, good kid with very reasonable weekly conflicts. And a good smile. Always been a sucker for that.