Kate Ryan

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

"No self-respecting journalist or publication would ever hire someone who employs the word 'sh--' as a title for anything."

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

The birds abandon their posts in the pepper trees, sending tiny, oblong leaves raining to the ground.

There are some hipster things that hipsters want us to love, so we’ll join their cult. But we’re done falling for these things because we’re all unique individuals. Here are 10 things you need to avoid right now if you don’t want to be a hipster.

Everyone wants to have the funny tweets because people equate them with wealth, power, and beauty. The problem is, we’re not all funny.

One crawled up the side of the bag and opened her wings, a hardtop convertible with legs.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.

She knows you’re not supposed to call it an “it,” but she honestly can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl or . . . undecided.