Kate Ryan

He died a violent death. I saw him myself, flopping between wooden blades, his head bent back strangely.

One crawled up the side of the bag and opened her wings, a hardtop convertible with legs.

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

Everyone wants to have the funny tweets because people equate them with wealth, power, and beauty. The problem is, we’re not all funny.

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

She got too high while watching The Bachelor and had a misanthropic breakdown.

You could take this easy, informative quiz to find out with whom you side on important legislative issues and social policies. Or you could go my route and pick your candidate based on what dinosaur they resemble.

Hollywood continues to flounder in a dick-sucking frenzy of self-congratulatory white male directors, writers, and producers.

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

“Don’t you smash that cake in my face, or I’ll never forgive you,” she said, and she never did, not really.