Kate Ryan

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

It was a tradition of theirs. When siblings Sue and Johnny went home to their mother’s for Christmas, they watched the 11 o’clock local news.

He thought I was mad, but in an artistic way; I thought he was horny all the time, but in an artistic way.

Everyone wants to have the funny tweets because people equate them with wealth, power, and beauty. The problem is, we’re not all funny.

"No self-respecting journalist or publication would ever hire someone who employs the word 'sh--' as a title for anything."

At Monster High, Jimmy Werewolf gets another demerit for forgetting to shave again.

My tights are cutting me in half at the waist . . . just like a sausage in its casing.

She gropes for attention while he dies in the other room.

Writing simply does for me what long walks do for small dogs; it makes me tired and happy.

Like booster engines emptied of fuel, my limbs become disposable, useless tanks as the blood rushes from them.