Kate Ryan

"No self-respecting journalist or publication would ever hire someone who employs the word 'sh--' as a title for anything."

We all love our dogs. However, some of us take it a little too far, convincing ourselves that our dogs are actually our children. You call your dog your “baby” one day, and the next thing you know, you’re pushing him or her down the street in an expensive stroller. How did we get here? Trust me, it’s a slippery slope. Here are 12 signs you might have a dog-child.

She knows you’re not supposed to call it an “it,” but she honestly can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl or . . . undecided.

His mind rode the lines, circling on an endless loop to nowhere as he attempted to go about his activities.

She got too high while watching The Bachelor and had a misanthropic breakdown.

Alison learned from her grandmother how a plastic smile could take you places—especially in a place like Hollywood.

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

Everywhere you look these days (on Instagram), beautiful pictures abound. From teacups overflowing with succulents to smoothie bowls arranged as art. All while a lavender-haired model casually eats ice cream in front of a stupidly gorgeous Tahitian sunset. All this endless beauty has become a bit dull.

“Don’t you smash that cake in my face, or I’ll never forgive you,” she said, and she never did, not really.

Okay, so maybe she didn’t really understand feminism.