Kate Ryan

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

One crawled up the side of the bag and opened her wings, a hardtop convertible with legs.

My parents got the idea they’d send me to stay at my grandparents’ house in Florida for a week. I think my mother needed a week to herself.

Motherhood is easily the toughest, most sacred job on earth. Without moms, the human race simply wouldn’t be here. But personally, I’d rather dangle myself from dental floss over a volcano full of spiders than push another human being out of my body.

Surviving the Apocalypse didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy a little romance.

There are some hipster things that hipsters want us to love, so we’ll join their cult. But we’re done falling for these things because we’re all unique individuals. Here are 10 things you need to avoid right now if you don’t want to be a hipster.

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

He thought I was mad, but in an artistic way; I thought he was horny all the time, but in an artistic way.

Like booster engines emptied of fuel, my limbs become disposable, useless tanks as the blood rushes from them.