Kate Ryan

There are some hipster things that hipsters want us to love, so we’ll join their cult. But we’re done falling for these things because we’re all unique individuals. Here are 10 things you need to avoid right now if you don’t want to be a hipster.

She got too high while watching The Bachelor and had a misanthropic breakdown.

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

She knows you’re not supposed to call it an “it,” but she honestly can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl or . . . undecided.

Someone would always cook in their tighty whities, his package at eye level for the person doing French homework at the kitchen table.

LAX, on the other hand, seemed like a perfect place to pick up the latest deadly virus.

“Don’t you smash that cake in my face, or I’ll never forgive you,” she said, and she never did, not really.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

She gropes for attention while he dies in the other room.