Kate Ryan

Everyone wants to have the funny tweets because people equate them with wealth, power, and beauty. The problem is, we’re not all funny.

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

It was a tradition of theirs. When siblings Sue and Johnny went home to their mother’s for Christmas, they watched the 11 o’clock local news.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.

We’ve all been there. Your boyfriend has a raging boner, but you’re just not in the mood to do anything with it. But how do you tell him to tone that boner down and quick? No need to worry. Here are ten simple, foolproof ways to kill that boner in ten seconds—or less—while keeping your man’s ego rock-hard.

The case of beer I brought, as my mother explained, is “pure poison” and so I must drink it all by myself.

She closed in on the open pores enlarged ten times their normal size by a high magnification pocket mirror.

Sheila applied widely and on a whim. She needed a job and she needed one fast.

At Monster High, Jimmy Werewolf gets another demerit for forgetting to shave again.

She knows you’re not supposed to call it an “it,” but she honestly can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl or . . . undecided.