Kate Ryan

She got too high while watching The Bachelor and had a misanthropic breakdown.

A bloated mother in her polka dot one-piece gnaws on a corndog while reading the romantic pulp she picked up on her way out of the supermarket . . .

She closed in on the open pores enlarged ten times their normal size by a high magnification pocket mirror.

One crawled up the side of the bag and opened her wings, a hardtop convertible with legs.

There are some hipster things that hipsters want us to love, so we’ll join their cult. But we’re done falling for these things because we’re all unique individuals. Here are 10 things you need to avoid right now if you don’t want to be a hipster.

Okay, so maybe she didn’t really understand feminism.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

The birds abandon their posts in the pepper trees, sending tiny, oblong leaves raining to the ground.

The case of beer I brought, as my mother explained, is “pure poison” and so I must drink it all by myself.