Jody Allard

Drug addicted, homeless, and hungry don't add up to hilarity. Neither does the system that arrested this woman for stealing $32 worth of food in a country that throws away 263 millions pounds of food every day –– or a news cycle that chews up and spits out the needy for clicks and likes.

In case you live on Mars, which is the only possible way you've missed the shitshow that is Kim Davis, this isn't Davis's first rodeo. Oh no, Davis was released from jail earlier this week after she was found in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage licenses. This order came not just from the local courts, but was backed by the god damn Supreme Court of the United States. Because, you know, you should totally ignore the highest court in the fucking nation.

Former President Jimmy Carter announced that his most recent scans showed no evidence of cancer, and he may owe his rapid response to science.

In case you forgot how good it is to be white in America, Oregon has you covered. After a group of armed lunatics in rural Oregon seized a federal wildlife building, the FBI announced Sunday that it's working to bring a "peaceful" end to the "situation."

While this is, of course, better than excommunicating women for their reproductive choices, it is still founded on the premise that abortion is a sin and that men in power must absolve women of their mistakes. It also continues to paint women as incapable of understanding their options and making autonomous choices for their bodies and their lives.

Photo Credit: Elizabeth Boyce

Singer Ciara performed the national anthem before last night's college football national championship game, but it's not her vocal prowess making headlines today –– it's her boobs

It's easy and painless to poke our noses into the minutiae of other parents' decisions, but it in no way tackles the real epidemic of child abuse.

It's hard to think of anything more synonymous with childhood than playing tag.

"I don't know what I was smoking in June, but it's August now. I've bonded with my kids until we can't bond anymore, and I'm thisclose to booking a one-way ticket to anywhere but here. I love my kids dearly, but I appreciate them even more when I have time to myself, too. I think that's called balance, and I'm pretty sure it's a good thing."