Jody Allard

If you follow Humans of New York on Facebook like I do, you probably ugly cry at least once a day. Right now, they are interviewing Syrian refugees who have successfully completed the multi-year process to become approved to enter the United States, and their stories are particularly heart-breaking.

My favorite part about summer is the ability, for three short months, to stop looking at the clock or calendar and to start enjoying the present.

"I don't know what I was smoking in June, but it's August now. I've bonded with my kids until we can't bond anymore, and I'm thisclose to booking a one-way ticket to anywhere but here. I love my kids dearly, but I appreciate them even more when I have time to myself, too. I think that's called balance, and I'm pretty sure it's a good thing."

Let me repeat that, just in case you missed it. Bernie Sanders said that a mother "should stay home" with her baby. When I first heard that sentence, I looked at my teenagers, and began yelling, "Mothers?! Should?!" My oldest son, who is 17 now, shrugged and replied, "Well, they should stay home with their babies, right? I mean, isn't that a good thing?"

In case you live on Mars, which is the only possible way you've missed the shitshow that is Kim Davis, this isn't Davis's first rodeo. Oh no, Davis was released from jail earlier this week after she was found in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage licenses. This order came not just from the local courts, but was backed by the god damn Supreme Court of the United States. Because, you know, you should totally ignore the highest court in the fucking nation.

In 1997, Kenny and Bobbi McCaughey made history when they welcomed the first set of surviving septuplets to the world. Now, 18 years later, as the septuplets prepare to leave the nest, the world has only one question: "How the hell did we all get so old?"

If you're anything like me, the only enjoyable part of shopping at Costco is the samples. It's always packed, there's nowhere to park, people push their massive fucking carts slower than molasses in January, and everything about it makes me homicidal EXCEPT for the sweet, sweet lure of the samples.

It's time to gather around the table with the family members you see only once or twice a year (for good reason) and try to avoid stabbing each other with your forks. #Blessed.

And that's when it hit me: It's okay for girls to aspire to be like boys, but it's categorically not okay for boys to aspire to be like girls.

It's easy and painless to poke our noses into the minutiae of other parents' decisions, but it in no way tackles the real epidemic of child abuse.