Jody Allard

Former Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole endorsed Jeb Bush for president today, leaving the world scratching their heads and expressing their surprise that Dole is actually still alive.

If you're anything like me, your first coffee of the morning is just a warm-up for your next cup of coffee. But now, thanks to the wonders of science, you can chug those buckets of joe guilt-free because coffee may actually make you live longer!

In case you thought that the Internet couldn't sink any lower, the creators of a new app are about to prove you wrong.

You can stop talking now. Ssshhhh.

9. Use Timeouts—For Yourself!

No one is currently in a position to mandate a one-size-fits-all vaccine policy.

The pair has pledged to donate 99 percent of their Facebook shares over the course of their lifetime, which currently amount to about $45 billion. You know, just some pocket change.

While this is, of course, better than excommunicating women for their reproductive choices, it is still founded on the premise that abortion is a sin and that men in power must absolve women of their mistakes. It also continues to paint women as incapable of understanding their options and making autonomous choices for their bodies and their lives.

As a former English lit major and long-time editor, I've met my share of linguistics pedants. Today is not their day. But for everyone else who appreciates the natural evolution of language, rejoice! Singular "they" was just named 2015's Word of the Year.

Drug addicted, homeless, and hungry don't add up to hilarity. Neither does the system that arrested this woman for stealing $32 worth of food in a country that throws away 263 millions pounds of food every day –– or a news cycle that chews up and spits out the needy for clicks and likes.