Joni Edelman

Our relationship has been a little complicated. I've loved you a lot, and I've loathed you at least that much, but mostly you've just gone unnoticed. Except for those 5 to 7 days every four weeks when you made your presence quite evident, what with the river of life blood and the random excruciating, and from what I can tell, unnecessary, contractions.

I was told that feminism is man hate. That abortion is murder. And then I thought, "What am I doing here?"

The Cabbage Soup Diet, aka The "Torture” Diet. You just put cabbage in water and cook it. And you eat it. All day. It is not good. You will still be hungry, and farting — very smelly, paint-peeling farting.

Good news: they'll probably grow out of it. Bad news: probably not until they are 23.

I guess the point of a spiritual awakening is just that; if you were already awake, you wouldn’t need a moment that was self-defining. You’d already be defined.

Is that incense I smell? A drum circle in the distance perhaps? Chanting? Herbal potions? Perhaps a cauldron? Could it be homebirth?

Sam: The first time you mentioned that you have five kids I was like WHAT THE ACTUAL. FIVE HUMANS. FIVE HUMANS CAME OUT OF YOU. Like, not at the same time, but they came out and like, that sounds painful and scary WHY DID YOU DO THAT??

It's #STDAwareness week here at Ravishly. We're kicking it off with this handy chart!

In today's HELLO, OBVIOUSLY news: National Coffee Day.

When I had my first child, I couldn't have prepared for the way it would make me feel.