Kate Ryan

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

Okay, so maybe she didn’t really understand feminism.

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

Alison learned from her grandmother how a plastic smile could take you places—especially in a place like Hollywood.

He thought I was mad, but in an artistic way; I thought he was horny all the time, but in an artistic way.

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

Writing simply does for me what long walks do for small dogs; it makes me tired and happy.

You could take this easy, informative quiz to find out with whom you side on important legislative issues and social policies. Or you could go my route and pick your candidate based on what dinosaur they resemble.