Kate Ryan

He died a violent death. I saw him myself, flopping between wooden blades, his head bent back strangely.

LAX, on the other hand, seemed like a perfect place to pick up the latest deadly virus.

At Monster High, Jimmy Werewolf gets another demerit for forgetting to shave again.

Fresh orange juice, milk, thick slices of ham, a block of cheese, a carton of eggs—her husband kept it this way should this moment arrive.

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

Everywhere you look these days (on Instagram), beautiful pictures abound. From teacups overflowing with succulents to smoothie bowls arranged as art. All while a lavender-haired model casually eats ice cream in front of a stupidly gorgeous Tahitian sunset. All this endless beauty has become a bit dull.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

"No self-respecting journalist or publication would ever hire someone who employs the word 'sh--' as a title for anything."

Someone would always cook in their tighty whities, his package at eye level for the person doing French homework at the kitchen table.