Kate Ryan

The case of beer I brought, as my mother explained, is “pure poison” and so I must drink it all by myself.

One crawled up the side of the bag and opened her wings, a hardtop convertible with legs.

Okay, so maybe she didn’t really understand feminism.

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

We’ve all been there. Your boyfriend has a raging boner, but you’re just not in the mood to do anything with it. But how do you tell him to tone that boner down and quick? No need to worry. Here are ten simple, foolproof ways to kill that boner in ten seconds—or less—while keeping your man’s ego rock-hard.

Like booster engines emptied of fuel, my limbs become disposable, useless tanks as the blood rushes from them.

There are some hipster things that hipsters want us to love, so we’ll join their cult. But we’re done falling for these things because we’re all unique individuals. Here are 10 things you need to avoid right now if you don’t want to be a hipster.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.