Kate Ryan

One of my biggest fears is having a random stranger ask me, "how it’s going?" They might as well ask if I’d like to step into their van and get murdered.

The case of beer I brought, as my mother explained, is “pure poison” and so I must drink it all by myself.

At Monster High, Jimmy Werewolf gets another demerit for forgetting to shave again.

She got too high while watching The Bachelor and had a misanthropic breakdown.

He thought I was mad, but in an artistic way; I thought he was horny all the time, but in an artistic way.

Motherhood is easily the toughest, most sacred job on earth. Without moms, the human race simply wouldn’t be here. But personally, I’d rather dangle myself from dental floss over a volcano full of spiders than push another human being out of my body.

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

We’ve all been there. Your boyfriend has a raging boner, but you’re just not in the mood to do anything with it. But how do you tell him to tone that boner down and quick? No need to worry. Here are ten simple, foolproof ways to kill that boner in ten seconds—or less—while keeping your man’s ego rock-hard.

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

"No self-respecting journalist or publication would ever hire someone who employs the word 'sh--' as a title for anything."