Kate Ryan

Motherhood is easily the toughest, most sacred job on earth. Without moms, the human race simply wouldn’t be here. But personally, I’d rather dangle myself from dental floss over a volcano full of spiders than push another human being out of my body.

Sheila applied widely and on a whim. She needed a job and she needed one fast.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

One of my biggest fears is having a random stranger ask me, "how it’s going?" They might as well ask if I’d like to step into their van and get murdered.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

LAX, on the other hand, seemed like a perfect place to pick up the latest deadly virus.

He thought I was mad, but in an artistic way; I thought he was horny all the time, but in an artistic way.

My parents got the idea they’d send me to stay at my grandparents’ house in Florida for a week. I think my mother needed a week to herself.

Recently, it was announced that the Ocean’s Eleven remake will be ladies-only too. Could it be that we’ve embarked on an era in which women take center stage?

My tights are cutting me in half at the waist . . . just like a sausage in its casing.