Molly Pennington

Ten days after my first due date came and went, I looked in the mirror, screamed, and basically died. Overnight, my stomach and hips had become covered in cherry-pink stretch marks, veining out as if my entire torso had fractured.

This teensy little Bachelor episode is only an hour long, but it's one enormous, platinum vagine tease from start to finish. 

Josephine sang us out on Episode 3 with a self-styled show tune she performed for Nick.

Rachel has been stealing all Nick's thunder since this whole season started.

Time for "The Women Tell All" Which Usually Gets Its Own Episode, But Whatever, ABC, Let's Do This. This is actually a Corinne Rally. And it's pretty terrifying to see "Make America Corinne Again" hats and T-shirts and a bunch of "I LOVE RAQUEL" signs because . . . a reality show star is actually president right now. Remember? This is how it starts! And we don't need a bunch of additional political angst right now. Because if Corinne decides to run, you know they'll vote for her.

Nick's Heart: Is it Even Real?

Nick seems most happy when scampering tipsy across the sand. 

Based On Her Persona, If Corinne Were A Man, She'd Be The Next POTUS

I drank caffeine, ate candy, ignored What to Expect While You're Expecting — and nothing bad happened.

Television has been a pulpit since its invention. And pop culture is like religion in that it can create and govern belief.

The news about Rachel destroyed this whole episode because after she was confirmed as the Next Bachelorette, nothing else mattered. Rachel is The New Queen of Bachelor Nation, her Majesty the real actual winner of this damn show. Twitter exploded with glee as the whole rhapsody trended.