Coffee

I'm proud to be where I'm at in life, even if it means spending more time buying bunion-cushioning shoe inserts and various vitamin supplements than it does staying out late with friends getting sushi and drinks. What is somewhat bizarre to me, however, is how the signs of getting older have crept up on me. Big time.

As we move ahead in life, some people will need some help in the kitchen. Also, some people just need help in the kitchen regardless.

I drank caffeine, ate candy, ignored What to Expect While You're Expecting — and nothing bad happened.

I soaked a few dates in some hot water, whizzed them around in my Nutribullet, strained out the chunks, and put it back in the Nutribullet with my coconut milk, plus a teeny-tiny pinch of pink Himalayan sea salt.The result? A genuinely delightful creamer that blew me away.

The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. Notably, there are no instructions for exactly how to petition the government, and no limits on what kind of grievances for which citizens may seek redress. Which is why it’s totally constitutional and patriotic that a lady lit into Florida Governor Rick Scott in a Starbucks.

When it comes to hiring people, be sure to steer clear of anyone who has a customer service background and glowing recommendations. The last thing you want is a perky, friendly face to greet your customers. So predictable!

In today's HELLO, OBVIOUSLY news: National Coffee Day.

The latte you won't want to drink.