New Show Invites Guests To Have Sex In A Box

Despite the evil efforts of Comcast overlords, cable TV is falling out of favor as streaming services like Netflix and Amazon Prime take over. Cable networks are now panicking to grasp at the few straws of cultural relevance they have left. But though the lame attempts have been many, few have been quite this bad. 

Meet Sex Box.

If you're ignorant about this obviously future Emmy-winning show, allow me to explain: Couples talk about their relationship and sexual woes in front of a panel of judges. After that, they disappear into a box onstage to, wink wink, consummate their feelings for each other. And wait! We're not done. After they get busy for half an hour or so, they return for a post-coital chat. The idea is that people are more vulnerable immediately after sex; therefore, participants will open up more. The show previously ran across the pond in England, but was a flop. The American version premieres tomorrow on the Women Entertainment Network. 

Let's get to the juicy dramas. Already, the silly show is being blasted. The Parents Television Council (PTC) is circulating an furious petition demanding that "concerned citizen[s]" ask TV networks to adhere to a "high standard of decency" and take a stand against this "outrageous, disgraceful" show.

The PTC doesn't seem to be allied with a specific denomination, so naturally a Christian group had to throw a fit as well. The Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN)—you know, the folks behind 700 Club—are extremely appalled. Remember when I said there were judges? Well, one of those judges is (wait for it) a pastor. According to CBN, Pastor Yvonne Capehart turned down the offer several times before it became crystal clear that the repeated offers were a call from God himself. I mean, really? The Bible "tells" you to dislike gay people, but appearing on a show celebrating nationally televised sex is A-OK? 

Makes perfect sense!

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