diet

Deciding that I needed — wanted, even — to put myself, my emotional, mental, physical, health first, didn’t mean not loving my body. But it did mean that my body would probably need to change to be more agile, more functional.

Sure, it's ridiculous to compare your life to a poorly constructed, absolutely terrifying rollercoaster — but also sadly accurate.

Control is a drug, and I’m a strung out addict looking for my next fix.

Most days, I find good reasons to be optimistic about the way diverse figures are celebrated in the media.

I talked to you about the scale last week. It’s a tool I’ve proven that I will use to punish myself. I said I wouldn’t weigh myself. I said numbers don't matter. And then I broke my promise to you. I made the same promise face-to-face with my oldest and dearest friend — a pinky-swear. I broke that one, too.

Dieting isn’t just a practice; it’s a way of life. What do we do when we don’t have any more calories to count and we have to deal with the wide-open space left in their wake?

I understand the connections between the violence that leads to police shootings and the violence that leads people to starve themselves. I know with complete certainty that diet culture is a manifestation of the state’s expectation of assimilation and of social control, both of which are manifestations of institutional violence.

You’ve been with me since birth, Belly. Back then, everyone thought you were the cutest thing ever. Now, I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure my folks used to kiss you and blow raspberries on you the way I now do with my 2-year-old son.