gender norms

I'm giving my son dolls that look like actual people. He has no idea that they are revolutionary or how different they are from the dolls I grew up with.

I guess we are all guilty of gender-typing to some degree. It’s ingrained deep in our subconscious and culture. Everywhere we go: shopping malls, in the media, play groups, schools, public bathrooms — and the list goes on. But is it possible to shift the dialogue when it comes to teaching masculinity to boys?

I tapped the razor on the side of the sink and inspected my smooth legs for any missed spots. Then I rinsed the blade, washed my hands, and put on my outfit: a long-sleeved black top, a knee-length denim skirt, tall black boots, and a silver dragon necklace for good measure.

I cannot believe I have already raised my young children to conform to such gendered stereotypes. It's particularly striking when it comes to their confidence.

People sometimes blame my dad for me being transgender. In their view, I guess, my father being a good dad is the reason I don't feel comfortable in my own skin and battle gender dysphoria. To my mind, this makes no sense. I will say, though, looking back — I did learn a lot about masculinity from my dad.

Every one of those “such a boy” comments make me hurt for all the other kids who hear these comments every day. Because of the many, many kids who cannot so easily hide the parts of themselves that don’t garner instant approval, knowing looks, happy eye-rolls. Because the culture that celebrates my son’s love of trucks and refuses to acknowledge his love of princesses is the same culture that shames and isolates trans and gender non-conforming kids every day.

It's just taking the stress and shame out a completely normal, albeit icky, range of acts. It's saying, 'I'd avoid the bathroom for a while, babe' instead sending yourself to hospital.

I always felt the reason I came out as genderqueer was so that I could finally feel like my body belonged to me — not some stranger.

But no, my body still belongs to society. My body still has to meet standards of people I don’t even know just so I can avoid being beaten or kicked out of the bathroom.