They Make Barbie Look Like a Role Model: 3 of the Scariest Sexed-Up Dolls for Little Girls

Hooray! An enterprising man has launched a crowdfunding campaign to develop a doll named Lammily with realistic body proportions, no makeup and everyday wear that doesn't sparkle or expose midriffs.

Many are calling this the anti-Barbie, which is fair: the original unrealistically proportioned doll is clearly a key source of inspiration. But somewhere along the line, Barbie became the least of little girls' worries. I mean, at least there's doctor Barbie who doesn't seem to be slathered in makeup or have a plastic surgery face.

More recently, dolls have gotten much, much scarier. Here are three of the worst:


Reasons for the slam: Most are aware of the obvious reasons these dolls suck: the oversized pouty lips that could only be attained through collagen, the disproportionately large heads and skinny little bodies, the short skirts and sky-high heels, and the complete disregard for appropriate spelling (which we think suckz). But the problem is scarier than all that. The Bratz are a bonafide industry promoting all that is wrong with how girls are treated in America. There's a blog littered with "soooooooo"s and other valley-girl speak salivating over heels and boys, and games such as Bratz Glam and Bratz Boutique that are all about looks, looks, looks (or in the case of Love Match, boys, boys, boys). Also included: video games, catalogues and apps. Ahhhh! Bratz are taking over the world!

Redeeming factor: Nothing. No seriously...nothing.

Monster High

Reasons for the slam: These dolls are basically like Bratz in a kinky horror film: heavily made up, hot-to-trot female dolls who look "edgy" by rocking a short dress with spiders or accessorizing with blue hair. But the chilling part is how over-the-top skinny they are. There's even a doll names Skelita, who is literally a sexy, made-up skeleton. Shudder.

Redeeming factor: It's cool to promote freaky, non-mainstream fashion. Though, as one astute mom blogger pointed out, this is is only promoted for those who are already conventionally attractive.

Moxie Girlz

Reasons for the slam: Surprise! These dolls are all about pouty lips, makeup and thin bodies, and the website is profusely pink and filled with butterflies. And seriously, stop with the deliberate misspellings pleaz!

Redeeming factor: Actually, there are a few redeeming factors. Multiple ethnicities are displayed front and center, and the characters are into things like film directing and poetry slams. Also, there's a male doll who actually looks kind of cool and may have some appeal to little boys.

Bottom line: it's time for a new and better doll—if for no other reason than to promote correct spelling.

Image of Monster High dolls: Wikimedia Commons


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