Image credit: Pablo Heimplatz via Unsplash
Life, life, life — you beautiful son of a bitch, you. If I’ve learned anything from relationships, it’s never to chase people. If someone wants to leave, you let them. You don’t hold onto their pant leg begging and pleading like a child. Nope, you keep the door wide open for them because the person meant for you will never have to be convinced, guilted, or persuaded to stay.
But sometimes the person who leaves doesn’t want to leave. They were forced to when they got gassed out by a bomb that life threw into the mix. That bomb could be anything: timing, getting a new job, having to move, life, etc. It’s incredibly sad when something doesn’t work out, especially when it had so much potential — but sometimes the puzzle of a relationship has its pieces stolen by an outside force.
I’ve realized that when it boils down to it — and I mean really boils down to it — we don’t have much of a say as to who winds up next to us at the altar. It’s almost as though life determines that person for us through various scenarios. It all depends on who we meet, where we live, if a person reciprocates feelings, and if the timing is right. Love is in our reach, but still always somewhat out of our hands. We get out hearts crushed again and again, and every time we do, it usually wasn’t us alone who did the crushing — it was an unfavorable situation.
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Ultimately, we agree on sticking out a relationship with someone if life permits — but sometimes life just doesn’t.
Here are all of the factors that play a role in whether or not we find a love that lasts:
Some people may argue that no matter the case, love will overcome anything — but sometimes it just can’t. Unfortunately, jobs and other obligations weigh on people, at times to the point of isolation. People juggling business school, a full-time job, and raising kids don’t always have minutes to spare to build a relationship. We get too tired to send a quick text or make the trek to spend time together. When the timing in a relationship isn’t sitting right, marriage comes off the table.
I mean, Greek tragedies didn’t just spring up out of thin air. Life is fucking tragic sometimes. You could find the perfect person, only to find out that the timing is off and your schedules don’t match up. It sucks, yet all we can do is hope that sometime, somewhere later on down the road, conditions will be more conducive to a relationship.
Maybe you or your partner got pulled away to a different state or country for work. Being away from your partner can shift the dynamic of a relationship entirely, leaving people feeling lonely and sad that a partner is no longer at arm's length. After all, touch is an important part of a relationship, and when you have literal distance between you two, things can start to deteriorate fast, pushing the pause button on what could be a potential marriage.
Perhaps life pulls us away from people in this kind of situation because they are not yet ready to love us, or they can’t at the moment. Or maybe you accidentally fell in love with someone while visiting another country. Even if you might know things won’t work out from the start when going into this short-lived love, it doesn’t mean that it’s still not going to hurt in the end. Sometimes you see pain coming like how you see a shot — knowing it's coming can make the hurt even worse.
When deciding who you’re going to marry, you can’t force someone to feel what you feel. Sometimes feelings fade, or change completely; other times people change themselves. Whatever the case may be, if someone doesn’t care about you, you have to leave that person alone. Even if you two were engaged, once the feelings go, so does any chance of walking down the aisle. Sadly, no amount of water in the world can help you swallow this pill of rejection easily — but with time, we do. We swallow our feelings whole, and somehow find new ways to move on.