Allison Cooper

Then all of a sudden he stopped and muttered the words, “Nevermind mom, you don’t understand. You’re not a gamer.” That stopped me in my tracks.

There is nothing worse than feeling guilt in the evening whenever you think about what you consumed during the day — it’s such a sucky feeling. I try to blame it on how busy I am, since it’s not my fault that all the easy to reach for food are often the ones I shouldn’t be grabbing.

Dear Husband, You are putting up with an awful lot in being with me right now, and rightfully so — I’m growing a tiny human inside me. Our tiny human. You have been very patient and kind with me, but so far we are only 15 weeks along and I fear that we have an even longer road ahead of us.

I can't just embrace the chaos. I wish I could follow the advice: “Stop stressing, Allison, you work full time, stop comparing yourself to mothers who don’t." But I can’t help but to play that comparing game and label myself as the inadequate mom.

There are days when you look in the mirror at yourself, nights when you looks at your husband, and moments when you squeeze your son that you wonder if you have anything left to give. You have given so much to being a mom that there are moments when you lose sight of it all. Don’t lose sight of me, the person that you were before and the things that made your happy. Don’t let me disappear.

I’m well aware that this should probably be the last thing on my mind as we get ready to deliver Baby Number Two in a few months, but it’s there. Yes, it’s mixed up in my brain with thoughts of getting the right crib and making sure that our organic crib mattress gets delivered on time, but it is a dominant thought, something that I’m legitimately worried about.

Last month, I turned 30 (gasp!). It still gives me a little bit of a heart palpitation to type that out, but nonetheless, it happened.

** If you haven’t yet watched this series, the below article includes some spoilers. **

I think that before I actually became a mom, I dreamt of sick days to be filled with breakfasts in bed, handwritten notes with all the words spelled wrong, and misshapen pancakes — but the reality is far from that dream. I'm flustered just thinking about it.

I am still a very spiritual person, but don’t necessarily agree with a lot of the things I was taught growing up — or the way it was shoved down our throats. So when Branden came along, we decided not to baptize him, because I just didn’t believe our sweet baby was born in sin. My husband wasn’t religious, and this was the right choice for us.