Allison Cooper

I've noticed that some moms include some pretty wild descriptors on their Twitter profiles. While some are out-there and some are just plain boring, reading them has left me scratching my head, wondering that they would waste their 140 characters on these terms.

Clear the country bumpkin idea out of your head, because that’s not what I’m referring to here. A great plaid button down shirt can be just what you need to update your wardrobe this fall.

3^rd grade is no joke. There really isn’t any way around it, their curriculum is tough shit.

I know these kids need both parents in their lives to learn to grow to be successful human adults, but some days, I’d like to be remembered as the fun parent.

Don’t you think that this “trend” looks like the person wearing it woke up and just couldn’t decide on what color to wear — so she wore them all? I mean, color blocking is a great trend, but not meant to be worn on the lips. I am a very assertive person, I know what I want in life, and it doesn’t include a multi-colored sections of my face. Pass.

"The whining is getting annoying. Yes, I said it and you read correctly. It’s annoying to hear you repeat the same thing over and over about yourself, whining about how you need to change your eating habits, work out more, and hire a new trainer. Calm yourself and move forward with your life . . ."

When I brought my son into the world, I thought that he would be an awful lot like me. He had to be, right? He grew inside me; I nourished him; I was the one home with him day in and day out during those very impressionable years, while my husband worked a grueling military schedule — yet there are few similarities to be found.

Faux freckles. Come on. You know that you have always wanted to strategically place a little freckle and mimic what Cindy Crawford has naturally.

There is nothing worse than feeling guilt in the evening whenever you think about what you consumed during the day — it’s such a sucky feeling. I try to blame it on how busy I am, since it’s not my fault that all the easy to reach for food are often the ones I shouldn’t be grabbing.

Then all of a sudden he stopped and muttered the words, “Nevermind mom, you don’t understand. You’re not a gamer.” That stopped me in my tracks.