Eliana Osborn

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

How do you love someone who continually does things to hurt himself? I’ve been holding a phone with my stoned, sobbing brother on the other end for nearly 20 years. I keep picking up the pieces, keep having my heart break, because he’s my brother.

They were horrible.

Help.

1. Borrow a child.

When I’m staring at the wall trying to keep my cool when my 6-year-old is hysterical about the tiny bump on his finger, I attempt to channel some of the good parts.

My main reason for doing reading testing, enduring a bus ride to a field trip about weapons engineering, and other thrills? Stalking.

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

Ray Nagin. Yes, the former New Orleans mayor who now has a criminal record. Let me explain.