Eliana Osborn

Eliana Osborn

Bio

Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn Articles

It's the most wonderful time of the year... Image: <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Anchorage_winter_sun.jpg">Wikipedia</a>

Growing Up In Darkness: Home For The Holidays In Alaska

In Anchorage, Alaska, there are 5 hours, 27 minutes of daylight on December 21. The good news: The numbers only go up for the next six months. The bad news: December 22 has merely seconds more light.

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Sweet Valley High covers. Images: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/">Goodreads</a>

Sweet Valley High Shaped My World View: '80s Books And What I Learned From Them

Now that I’m a mother, I’m much more sympathetic to a woman who just couldn’t take it anymore. Not saying I’d leave my kids in a parking lot and hope for the best . . . just saying that I can understand the impulse.

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Anyone can do amazing work when one room takes 36 months. I suspect the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel was painted in less time.

Remodeling Your Bathroom (And Your Relationship)

After years in apartments that should have been condemned, even these sad restroom facilities were vast improvements. And so we stayed, the husband and I, vaguely embarrassed when guests stayed over and commented on the bordello vibe of the bathroom.

Then we had a kid. No working bathtub suddenly seemed like a big deal. And the functional bathroom spaces weren’t places you’d want to hang out. There’s a lot of bathroom time once you’ve got tiny humans. (You’ve been warned.)

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There is no one activity undertaken every single day that will guarantee a healthy, non-annoying, responsible child. Image: Thinkstock.

7000 Days Of Parenting Is 'All' You Have — But Everything's Going To Be Fine, I Promise.

There are some days of parenting that are magical, full of unicorns and four leaf clovers and lottery winnings. Those are the moments when I catch myself, just for a second, feeling content and happy and looking around trying to freeze things. Out of 7000 days, those maybe make up five a year.

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I'll pass on the Pledge, thanks.

I Don't Say The Pledge Of Allegiance And I Want My Kids To Stop

I’m not a fan of repeating things over and over so that they lose their meaning. "Pledge: a solemn promise or agreement." It is that extra level, the solemnity, that makes me uncomfortable with casual usage.

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BAWSE.

#RavReads: My Life On The Road, By Gloria Steinem

My Life on the Road (or MLR) is not what I expected...the idea of not waiting for experience to come to you permeates the book.

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1:54 PM: Stephanie has the softest hands in the universe.

Massage Therapy: A Minute-By-Minute Account

Self-care is important. Massages are a good form of self-care. Too bad I keep thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner.

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Enjoy the silence... And sleeping on the couch.

My Husband Bought Noise-Canceling Headphones...And I Have Feelings About It

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.

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Having to walk carefully to avoid wedgies? Not helping any of us be our best selves. Image: Thinkstock.

The Life-Changing Magic Of Buying The Correct Size

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.

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