Eliana Osborn

My main reason for doing reading testing, enduring a bus ride to a field trip about weapons engineering, and other thrills? Stalking.

I’ve got two tales of hideous male behavior — at the elementary school, somewhere typically full of good vibes and happiness and all that.

You may have heard the term "bromance" and tried to wash your ears out with bleach (bad idea). Sadly, scientist types heard the word too.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

I’m not there yet. But I need to be honest—I’m closer to 40 than any other multiple of five.

The most important things my mother taught me included work from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Wham! and Whitney Houston.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

Self-care is important. Massages are a good form of self-care. Too bad I keep thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.