Eliana Osborn

I’m terrified of wrongful imprisonment. To be the only one who knows the truth and have to live every day in a cell, wondering, why, god, why? [...] Sitting hooked up for gadgets to monitor every aspect of my mind and body, in a small room without any distraction, I see how a person could lose herself — or the truth — for a moment.

I cried every single day of my life until I was 18 years old. I did not know this was abnormal.

Don’t listen to horror stories about airplane tantrums. Listen to me while I let you in on the secret perks of seeing the world with kiddos.

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

What’s That Smell? Sniffing Out Weird House Odors

I, like far too many women in this country and the world, have had a wide variety of experiences involving sexual harassment.

After years in apartments that should have been condemned, even these sad restroom facilities were vast improvements. And so we stayed, the husband and I, vaguely embarrassed when guests stayed over and commented on the bordello vibe of the bathroom.

Then we had a kid. No working bathtub suddenly seemed like a big deal. And the functional bathroom spaces weren’t places you’d want to hang out. There’s a lot of bathroom time once you’ve got tiny humans. (You’ve been warned.)

...But not in the way you'd think.

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.