Eliana Osborn

...But not in the way you'd think.

I’ve got two tales of hideous male behavior — at the elementary school, somewhere typically full of good vibes and happiness and all that.

When I’m staring at the wall trying to keep my cool when my 6-year-old is hysterical about the tiny bump on his finger, I attempt to channel some of the good parts.

Look, Connect Four is not a good game. But it can be over quickly, which is pretty great.

Eighteen hours, even if prepared with reading and art material, snacks, and an upgrade to China Airline’s family couch seating, is still EIGHTEEN HOURS.

Best case scenario? A few hours of activity, then we all fall asleep comfortably. Worst case? Well, let's just say it involves blood splatter on those weird double-paned airplane window.

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.

I’m not there yet. But I need to be honest—I’m closer to 40 than any other multiple of five.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

1. Borrow a child.