Eliana Osborn

1. Borrow a child.

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

I cried every single day of my life until I was 18 years old. I did not know this was abnormal.

My sister Liz is full of wisdom, like my favorite quote I’ve shared with practically everyone I know: “Every pair of underwear has two good sides.”

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

If he were an a--hole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. He’s good with them. He’s his best self. It makes me alternately happy and heartbroken.

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

When did I discover that sterilization isn’t as cut and dry as it seems? While sitting in a hospital gown, signing my life away, awaiting surgery.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.

When I’m staring at the wall trying to keep my cool when my 6-year-old is hysterical about the tiny bump on his finger, I attempt to channel some of the good parts.