Eliana Osborn

Eliana Osborn

Bio

Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn Articles

Image: Tumblr (of course)

An Open Letter To The Snotty Bag Boy At My Local Grocery Store

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

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Hands off, buddy.

All Of These Things Are Sexual Harassment

I, like far too many women in this country and the world, have had a wide variety of experiences involving sexual harassment.

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Did you shower today? You've already started on one.

Here Are Some Realistic New Year's Resolutions

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

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Sharknadoooo!

5 Life Lessons Learned From Watching All Three Sharknado Movies

"Sharknado 3" has an especially unique moment when a human baby is born by being cut out of the side of a shark. Don’t ask questions, there’s nothing to explain.

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Full-fat dairy MAY be “healthier” for you than low-fat dairy.  “May” be, as in, probably is, like with numbers and science and stuff. Image: Thinkstock.

Skim Milk Might Kill You

Full-fat dairy may be “healthier” for you than low-fat dairy. “May” be, as in, probably is, like with numbers and science and stuff.

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This type might not even be listed, actually.

The 8 Types Of Kids Who Come Over To Play

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

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The next step, obviously. Image: <a href="http://www.lifespanfitness.com/tr800-dt5-treadmill-desk">LifeSpan Fitness</a>

A Day In The Life At My Standing Desk

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

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Having to walk carefully to avoid wedgies? Not helping any of us be our best selves. Image: Thinkstock.

The Life-Changing Magic Of Buying The Correct Size

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.

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"Thanks, but a gift card would have been better."

Gifts That Teachers Will Actually Want

For you, dear readers, who are thrilled with the teacher in your life — be it your own teacher, the instructor of your child, or even the person who does piano or karate — this list is for you.

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If he were an asshole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. Image: Thinkstock.

When Your Children's Grandpa Is A Jerk, How Do You Keep Your Cool?

If he were an a--hole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. He’s good with them. He’s his best self. It makes me alternately happy and heartbroken.

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