Eliana Osborn

Eliana Osborn

Bio

Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn Articles

I am telling the truth. Aren’t I?

That Time I Took A Lie Detector Test

I’m terrified of wrongful imprisonment. To be the only one who knows the truth and have to live every day in a cell, wondering, why, god, why? [...] Sitting hooked up for gadgets to monitor every aspect of my mind and body, in a small room without any distraction, I see how a person could lose herself — or the truth — for a moment.

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I want to make the kids turn off their screens as I would in regular life back on the ground, but it seems like this is not the time to stick to rules or try for a parenting victory.

Screen Time Got My Family Through An 18-Hour Flight. I Regret Nothing.

Eighteen hours, even if prepared with reading and art material, snacks, and an upgrade to China Airline’s family couch seating, is still EIGHTEEN HOURS.

Best case scenario? A few hours of activity, then we all fall asleep comfortably. Worst case? Well, let's just say it involves blood splatter on those weird double-paned airplane window.

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Kirk 4ever

Kirk Cameron Was My First

Kirk Cameron in all his Growing Pains glory was the ideal crush. Unthreatening, goofy, good kid with very reasonable weekly conflicts. And a good smile. Always been a sucker for that.

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Did you shower today? You've already started on one.

Here Are Some Realistic New Year's Resolutions

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

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This is the Heimlich, not a hug.

Important Adult Things You Should Learn To Do In 2016

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.

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Baranta: Sometimes there are horses.

Workout Trends Of The Future You Can Try Right Now

Baranta is a new martial art focusing on traditional folk dancing and activities.

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Doesn't that look delicious? Image: <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Biscuits-and-gravy.jpg">Wikipedia</a>

White Foods Are Disgusting And Probably Poison

Is anyone else with me on this? White foods are NASTY.

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Plus, you might get to meet the Greendale crew. Image: NBC

I'm A College Professor Who Thinks You Shouldn't Go To "Regular" College

The other magical thing about living in 2015 is the Internet. You can get great training in all kinds of fields while sitting in your underwear at home.

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WAAAHHHHH. Image: <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/261516465/baby-collar-clips-pins-brooches-cardigan?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20creepy&ref=sr_gallery_12">Etsy</a>

7 Gifts For New Moms You Want To Hate You

Sick of hearing about your friend's perfect pregnancy?Give one of these amazing gifts at the baby shower and you shouldn’t have to worry about this anymore.

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If he were an asshole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. Image: Thinkstock.

When Your Children's Grandpa Is A Jerk, How Do You Keep Your Cool?

If he were an a--hole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. He’s good with them. He’s his best self. It makes me alternately happy and heartbroken.

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