Eliana Osborn

...But not in the way you'd think.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

My sister Liz is full of wisdom, like my favorite quote I’ve shared with practically everyone I know: “Every pair of underwear has two good sides.”

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

If he were an a--hole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. He’s good with them. He’s his best self. It makes me alternately happy and heartbroken.

Baranta is a new martial art focusing on traditional folk dancing and activities.

Full-fat dairy may be “healthier” for you than low-fat dairy. “May” be, as in, probably is, like with numbers and science and stuff.

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.