Eliana Osborn

Eliana Osborn

Bio

Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn Articles

My poor, authoritarian conservative father nearly had a heart attack. Image: Youtube screenshot.

Sexy Songs Are Nothing New

After this, I’m not going to be able to complain about Meghan Trainor and having to teach my son that "All About That Bass" is talking about girls with big booties.

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How much do these tests REALLY tell us?

Standardized Tests: Intelligence Indicator? Load Of Crap? Worth The Stress?

Standardized tests are taking over the world. I can say this because it is true. Like a creeping vine that seems attractive and charming at first, tests appear to be reasonable for the data and direction they can provide.

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See what we did there?

5 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Getting Your Tubes Tied

When did I discover that sterilization isn’t as cut and dry as it seems? While sitting in a hospital gown, signing my life away, awaiting surgery.

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The Bromance. AKA being a human being with close friendships.

Breaking News: Science Proves Bromances Are Crucial To Men's Happiness

You may have heard the term "bromance" and tried to wash your ears out with bleach (bad idea). Sadly, scientist types heard the word too.

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We all need people who believe in us.

Loving Is Hard

How do you love someone who continually does things to hurt himself? I’ve been holding a phone with my stoned, sobbing brother on the other end for nearly 20 years. I keep picking up the pieces, keep having my heart break, because he’s my brother.

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The cake isn't a guarantee.

My Marriage Almost Didn't Make It. So Why Are We Still Together?

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

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If he were an asshole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. Image: Thinkstock.

When Your Children's Grandpa Is A Jerk, How Do You Keep Your Cool?

If he were an a--hole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. He’s good with them. He’s his best self. It makes me alternately happy and heartbroken.

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This is the Heimlich, not a hug.

Important Adult Things You Should Learn To Do In 2016

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.

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1:54 PM: Stephanie has the softest hands in the universe.

Massage Therapy: A Minute-By-Minute Account

Self-care is important. Massages are a good form of self-care. Too bad I keep thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner.

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Hands off, buddy.

All Of These Things Are Sexual Harassment

I, like far too many women in this country and the world, have had a wide variety of experiences involving sexual harassment.

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