Eliana Osborn

I’ve got two tales of hideous male behavior — at the elementary school, somewhere typically full of good vibes and happiness and all that.

1. Borrow a child.

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

Look, Connect Four is not a good game. But it can be over quickly, which is pretty great.

Kirk Cameron in all his Growing Pains glory was the ideal crush. Unthreatening, goofy, good kid with very reasonable weekly conflicts. And a good smile. Always been a sucker for that.

I’m full of emotions: pride, awe, fear, nerves. The spelling bee first, then the piano recital. Two different kids, same mom. Same me, wanting to prevent my boys from pain and discomfort. Same me, biting my tongue and smiling broadly in support.

When did I discover that sterilization isn’t as cut and dry as it seems? While sitting in a hospital gown, signing my life away, awaiting surgery.

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

What’s That Smell? Sniffing Out Weird House Odors

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.