Eliana Osborn

When I’m staring at the wall trying to keep my cool when my 6-year-old is hysterical about the tiny bump on his finger, I attempt to channel some of the good parts.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.

I’m not broken by this therapy failure. Jane wasn't the person to help me at this point of my life. Someone else WILL be.

Full-fat dairy may be “healthier” for you than low-fat dairy. “May” be, as in, probably is, like with numbers and science and stuff.

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

...But not in the way you'd think.

Don’t listen to horror stories about airplane tantrums. Listen to me while I let you in on the secret perks of seeing the world with kiddos.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

I, like far too many women in this country and the world, have had a wide variety of experiences involving sexual harassment.