Rebekah Kuschmider

“I wouldn’t have sex with you if you were the last man on earth!”

The latest news in the worlds of food shaming and behavior modification comes to us from Chicago, where a

It was only a matter of time before virtual reality brought us the sex toy of the future. That time, apparently, is now.

The worlds of theme parks and virtual reality give us all kinds of opportunities to experience adventures that are out of the realm of possibility.

Hopeful readers, may I present to you, the three-time mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota: DUKE!

There is now a sex toy called the Sqweel that looks like a cross between an Epilady and something you would find at a craft store, maybe in the rubber stamp section. It’s supposed to look like a wheel of tongues, but honestly? I think it could also be used to paint borders on decorative plates or something.

You all know what that means, right? Matching “Thank you for being a friend” t-shirts and “Picture it! Sicily, 1932!” tote bags for everyone! Wheeee! Oh, and cheesecake. So much cheesecake!

Not a Muslim ban, but some non-Muslims will get to the top of the list faster? Uh-huh. Make of that what you will, folks, but it sure sounds like an unconstitutional religious test to me.

Hey, Potterheads! Have you preordered your copy of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child yet? Or bought tickets to see it in London? Does the wait for new Potter installments seem interminable? Well, fear not, wizards and muggles! There is magic afoot, and it’s happening right here on the shores of the US of A!

Musician Kid Rock has announced that he intends to run for the Senate as a Republican in Michigan. Athlete and reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner has teased about a run as a Republican in California. Neither would-be candidate has filed the official candidacy paperwork as of this time. I hope they don’t. At least not until they learn something about governance.