Inflexible people have sex, too!
Inflexible people have sex, too. We can’t all be bent into pretzels and simultaneously orgasm our faces off. For most of us, this is not the reality.
When I say inflexible, I’m not being cute here. I’m not just casually dropping this word to mean non-yogis or those unqualified to be Cirque du Soleil acrobats. What I mean by inflexible is having to go to yoga twice a week just to touch your shins. THAT level of immobility.
You shouldn’t be left by the wayside just because you can’t stand on one leg or put your feet next to your ears during sex.
Sometimes you want to do even the simplest of suggested positions on one of these lists, only to find your leg does not move in that direction, or your knees are too pained to stay in that kind of isometric hold for such a prolonged duration.
It’s not fair! We want to get off too, you know.
You shouldn’t be left by the wayside just because you can’t stand on one leg or put your feet next to your ears during sex. It feels like every sex position guide forgets those of us who can't outwardly rotate our hips or do a backbend (or any bending, TBH).
In light of this fact and because stiff joints don’t deter horniness, here are eight sex positions for truly inflexible people.
1. Modified Open-Legged Spoon
This take on the classic spoon makes clit access easier, all while staying true to its lazy-girl roots. This is the position we’re going to call upon when we’re sexually active geriatrics so, take heed.
Have your partner lie on his or her side, and lie on your back, perpendicular to his or her body. Your partner should be able to enter you from below easily.
If you can’t open your knees for a full open-legged spoon, this position is for you. Instead of rotating your hips in a butterfly spread (because you literally can’t), drape your knees over your partner’s side. You get to lie back, legs just slightly elevated, knees comfortably bent.
2. Downward Dog
Did someone say, “You don’t have to move during this sex position?” Sign me up.
When you’re inflexible, a sex position that allows you to do as little as possible is the best case scenario. Also, lazy sex positions are the best, objectively speaking. During downward dog, you get to just chill.
Lie on your stomach and have your partner enter from behind. Seriously, just lie there with your legs together, flat on the bed, and enjoy your life. This position allows for pinpointed G-spot stimulation while you put in zero effort.
No strained muscles for you — only copious orgasms.
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A position with such an exotic name sounds pretty intimidating. Luckily, those of us with a lack of natural mobility still get the luxury of an exciting name.
To pull off lotus, have your partner sit on the bed. Climb on top and straddle them, face-to-face. Lotus is just another way of saying, “Sitting on your partner’s lap with a penis or dildo inside your body.”
You can set the pace, rocking back and forth, grinding your clitoris to reach orgasm.
4. Elevated Doggy-Style
The biggest issue an inflexible person has with doggy style is the pressure it puts on your knees. For me, this even happens when I’m on the bed. If you’re trying to get down and dirty on the floor, on a couch, on some grass, etc., it’s a whole other hellish story.
To combat achy knees, try a slight modification to the classic doggy. Stick a pillow under each of your knees. The added layer of comfort makes a world of difference. If you have sensitive wrists, put another pillow underneath your hands.
Voila! You can finally have sex comfortably.
5. David Copperfield
You know what is the best when you’re not bendy? Receiving some good, old-fashioned oral sex. Get to it.
6. Sit To Stand
Having sex standing up is both difficult, dangerous, and annoying. No one has an orgasm during standing up sex, probably. Instead, try sit to stand. Lie down on the bed, with your butt at the edge. Have your partner enter you while standing next to the bed. Wrap your legs around your partner (or whatever feels comfortable).
No one will break their hip or dislocate a shoulder. Instead, everyone gets to come. You can even bring in a finger vibe for extra stimulation.
7. Lifted Missionary
Lifted missionary is an excellent position in the event both you and your partner are lacking in the flexibility department.
This position allows for coital alignment technique: Your clitoris is better aligned with your partner’s pubic bone which allows for much-needed stimulation. Yes, that’s right. You CAN orgasm in missionary.
Lay me down for I am slain.
8. Standing Doggy-Style
As if you could ever get enough doggy style, this variation takes all the best aspects of sit to stand and downward dog, smashing them together to create one fantastic, uber-easy position.
Bend over the bed, feet on the floor, stomach to the mattress. Your top half should be relaxed and flat. If flat isn’t working for you, you can rest up on your elbows
Have your partner enter you from behind. You can easily reach through your legs for some ball sack or clitoral action, assuming your arm CAN do that.
In your case, maybe not. Either way, this position requires very little movement on your part which makes it an obvious winner.