Allison Cooper

I've noticed that some moms include some pretty wild descriptors on their Twitter profiles. While some are out-there and some are just plain boring, reading them has left me scratching my head, wondering that they would waste their 140 characters on these terms.

Why the hell didn’t anyone remind me how hard the toddler years are? I’m taking all the mental notes on how to survive the toddler years.

Being a work-from-home-mom, I used to kind of loathe summer because it meant balancing activities and still trying to get all my stuff done, but this year is different. I’m allowing myself to take it slow (probably because I have no choice, being 32 weeks pregnant) and enjoy being a mama this summer.

Dear Oldest Son, Life these days is all about dividing and conquering. I feel more and more like I’m dividing and conquering so many things.

I grew up dreaming of living in that house with the perfect blue shutters and the white picket fence, three perfectly interspaced children running

I think that before I actually became a mom, I dreamt of sick days to be filled with breakfasts in bed, handwritten notes with all the words spelled wrong, and misshapen pancakes — but the reality is far from that dream. I'm flustered just thinking about it.

Make sure that at least twice a year you are getting rid of unused or old makeup — even your eyeshadow as these are laden with bacteria.

While this final stage might take years to get to, you will finally come to a place where you realize that strong truly is the new sexy and you did something that took all the strength that you have inside you to bring your child into this world. This is not something to take lightly, this is heroic.

I am still a very spiritual person, but don’t necessarily agree with a lot of the things I was taught growing up — or the way it was shoved down our throats. So when Branden came along, we decided not to baptize him, because I just didn’t believe our sweet baby was born in sin. My husband wasn’t religious, and this was the right choice for us.

So you have made it all the way up to the end of the finish line? Congratulations!