Erin McKelle

It’s no secret the Kardashians receive a lot of hate. By the reactions of some, you’d think the Kardashians were murderers or terrorists, but really they’re just a family who happens to be very, very famous.

[CN: sexual assault] No more sex — no touching, fondling… Nada. I was done. I had a new mission: to heal.

As I write this, it’s the eve of my 21st birthday, or the last step in my journey to adulthood. So. Many. Feels. I’m going to give you a list of the 21 things I’ve learned before turning 21, to look back at what I’ve learned and done so far:

I know it’s a lot more complicated than just one day declaring, “Fuck it, I’m done dieting!” Just like we can easily make resolutions for ourselves to lose weight, we can just as easily resolve to love our bodies as they are, and quietly fall flat on our goal.

Staying in the present moment has been shown to have many positive benefits for your health and well-being, so it's no surprise that mindfulness has become such a popular practice.

I’ve said I was “good,” “fine,” or “doing well” after crying for hours, lying in bed all day with no motivation, and even experiencing suicidal ideation. My worst days are when the temptation to mask my pain with a smile is the strongest.

I decided to experiment. I would set my alarm and get up at 6 AM (or earlier) for seven days straight, no matter what.

I began to see my mental health go completely downhill. This led me to seek out a psychiatrist, who raised an interesting concern: she thought my birth control was messing with my depression. It’s not like I hadn’t been aware of the link between hormonal contraception and depression before, but it never occurred to me that these two personal realities could be connected.

I’m adopted. It’s one of those things that has been a major force in shaping my identity, but that’s hard to talk about authentically almost anywhere.

Even though I've suffered from clinical depression ever since I was 15 years old, my depressive episodes have a lot more at stake as I’ve gotten older, especially since I’m dependent on my own productivity in order to survive.