Erin McKelle

Imagine you just went out with someone that you like, and have been out with a few times, but that you’re still not quite sure where things are heading with. Now, imagine that they call you to ask you if you would like to join them at a birthday party on Saturday, for one of their good friends whom they’d like you to meet. What’s your reaction? Are you jumping at the chance to get closer to their inner circle, already preparing your excuse for why you can’t attend, or do you land somewhere in between?

As I write this, it’s the eve of my 21st birthday, or the last step in my journey to adulthood. So. Many. Feels. I’m going to give you a list of the 21 things I’ve learned before turning 21, to look back at what I’ve learned and done so far:

My fears of dependence were so potent that I decided to quit meds for good. Though I didn’t just throw away mental healthcare, mind you, since I had been, and planned on continuing to go, to weekly therapy sessions. I wanted to find other ways to manage my mental illness without popping pills on the daily.

We’ve been telling researchers, doctors, and anyone who will listen that we’re not satisfied with the birth control pill because of its side effects for years, but maybe this latest study from Sweden will make them actually listen.

If you’re even remotely interested in astrology, there’s no doubt you’ve seen compatibility tests that tell you how well you and your partner’s stars are aligned. But can astrology really help you to see who makes a good match for you?

There’s nothing worse than taking a pregnancy test when you don’t want to be pregnant.

It’s especially bad when you don’t know who the father is.

Last year, this is the exact situation I found myself in: 23, single, not on contraception, and with a late period. I was nothing short of panicked.

After finding the least expensive test that CVS carried (by the way, can we talk about how expensive pregnancy tests are?!), I went home to find out my fate. After locking myself in the bathroom, I turned the shower on to drown out the noise of my thoughts. I waited five minutes and then peered at the stick, leaning as far away from the sink as possible in case it showed two lines.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw one clear line on the screen.

I quickly tossed the test in the trash, turned off the shower, and hopped in bed with a bottle of cabernet.

I’ve said I was “good,” “fine,” or “doing well” after crying for hours, lying in bed all day with no motivation, and even experiencing suicidal ideation. My worst days are when the temptation to mask my pain with a smile is the strongest.

When you think of astrology, what first comes to mind? Is it your sun sign, the weekly horoscopes you see in newspapers, or a wonky new-agey scam? If you’re in the latter group, I’m here to tell you that astrology is not a crock of you-know-what, but actually has some historical merit to its practice.

I began to see my mental health go completely downhill. This led me to seek out a psychiatrist, who raised an interesting concern: she thought my birth control was messing with my depression. It’s not like I hadn’t been aware of the link between hormonal contraception and depression before, but it never occurred to me that these two personal realities could be connected.

I’m ready to demystify the stereotypes and break down the stigma of bipolar disorder.