Gigi Engle

You guys have a lot of trouble dating these days, now that women have this silly notion in their marble-sized brains that they should maybe want to be treated like equals to you. HOW RIDICULOUS. EW! Luckily, you can work around these ideals. Women aren’t really smart enough to comprehend them anyway, you know?

I have been in so many relationships that sucked. It had everything to do with me.

By saying all people who identify as women want less sex and men want more, you’re grossly generalizing two large groups in a way that is both scientifically inaccurate and ultimately lidded under unreasonable social pressure.

Certain qualities and personality traits are solid indicators of whether or not you can hack an LDR.

Breakups are emotionally charged experiences that leave us hollow and pretty messed up. It’s not to say we won’t come back better and stronger — we always do! But, we do some thoroughly toxic nonsense before we get to that place.

Vaginal orgasms are real. But if you want to climax quick? Someone needs to be stimulating the clit with something — usually fingers or a vibrator. Yes, it may mean a little extra work. But a dedicated dude will make it happen.

Blowjobs are good, wholesome, and very sexy fun. While they are enjoyable, I think we all know they don’t call it “job” without reason. It is a J-O-B.

I found that Yoni crystals can apparently put you at risk for toxic shock?!??! And I was like: WHAAAAAT?!?!!?!?

Men will say they want a smart woman, of course, but the moment they are faced with one; the moment a woman challenges him, or god forbid, proves him wrong, she becomes “hard to deal with,” “too intense” or “crazy.”

You don’t even have to be a good person to be incredible at sex, apparently (my ex proves this).